Kind Treatment of Spouses, - Dought & clear, - * Is it permissible to read books that speak about intercourse forone who is about to get married?

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Is it permissible for a person who is about to get married for the first time to read some books in order to learn how to be intimate with his wife, so long as the books do not contain any pictures?.
Praise be to Allaah.
There are many reservations about reading books in order to find out how to have intercourse, such as the following:
1. It may provoke desires in you that you cannot fulfil in any permissible way. This is a problem that is not farfetched, especially for one who does not have a wife to turn to.
2. Most of these books teach perverse forms of intercourse. Some of them go against the fitrah and sound human nature and others go against sharee’ah, such as anal intercourse.
3. Reading about these kinds of intercourse may put a man off his wife who does not do these kinds of actions well, and he may become attached to those things and the people who do them.
4. Reading these books may make you want to know more, and the devils among mankind and the jinn may lead you to read books which contain pictures, and you will end up doing something that is against sharee’ah.
5. Reading them encourages you to buy them, which helps to propagate them and encourages the printing of more editions.
6. There is no guarantee that these books will not fall into the hands of people who will be encouraged by them to do haraam actions. Your situation as one who wants to learn as a preparation for marriage is not like that of others who may get their hands on these books.
Moreover, Allaah has created in the male an inclination towards the female; having intercourse with a woman is not something complicated that needs a lot of explanation. A man will know what to do instinctively. If he needs any help the way to get this information is usually from the closest of people to him, or the most sincere among brothers who are already married. Hence there is no need for these books.
And there may be other reservations. Hence we do not think that you should read these kinds of books. That does not mean that you should not learn about the permissible way of having intercourse. But what we have mentioned is that you should not read what has been written by those who are far removed from Islam, good taste and a sound human nature.
You can read about married life and intercourse in the context of shar’i rulings and advice, that is free of the reservations we have referred to, on this site under the heading of “ Married life.” This is in the category on Marriage.
And Allaah knows best.










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Kind Treatment of Spouses, - Dought & clear, - * Treating premature ejaculation

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My question is concerning premature ejaculation. I suffer from this “illness”. I have been married for nearly two years and this illness has prevented me from having normal intercourse with my wife. I can not satisfy her. Maybe this is a punishment from Allah? However, I read that this is a very widespread illness, and that it can be treated.
There seems to be medical treatment as well as a kind of training/practice. This includes, among other things, that a person stimulates himself by rubbing his penis to learn to deal with the sexual arousal, and even to ejaculate. I know that this is normally forbidden to do, but I do not see a solution for the problem without treatment. I have tried other things before like a special ointment and other stuff, but without success. I am afraid, if I do not treat this illness that I might fall back into sin. There is so much information on the Internet, but I do not know what is trustworthy and what is just a way of making money. What can I do? Please give me advice!.
Praise be to Allaah.
The view that masturbation is haraam is the view of most of the scholars and is supported by shar‘i evidence; in fact all sexual gratification is limited in our sharee‘ah to the wife or concubine (and the latter is not available in our time). Any other means of pleasure used by people is only a means of immorality and spreading mischief in the land, let alone the fact that it is contrary to the fitrah (sound human nature) with which man has been created with regard to the way of fulfilling physical desires. Whatever the case, we find it strange that masturbation is regarded as a means of treating premature ejaculation. What we have read and learned from dozens of medical websites and suggestions for treatment is that masturbation is one of the causes of premature ejaculation; this is according to the testimony of doctors first of all, and also that of those who are suffering from this problem. Hence we do not advise this method of treatment.
But if what you are doing, which requires rubbing the penis, whether maniy (semen) comes out of it or not, if this is a medical treatment that you need, then you can use this method of treatment in a manner that is permissible according to sharee‘ah, by means of intimacy with your wife and masturbation by her hand. The fuqaha’ have stated that masturbation with the wife’s hand is permissible for the husband, because the husband may enjoy all parts of her body – with the exception of anal intercourse – so there is nothing wrong with masturbation with the wife’s hand.
Al-Hattaab al-Maaliki (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
Study of the madhhab and the hadeeths indicate that that – i.e., masturbation with the wife’s hand – is permissible. And Allah knows best.
End quote fromMawaahib al-Jaleel, 3/406
Al-‘Allaamah Zakariya al-Ansaari al-Shaafa‘i (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
Masturbation with the wife’s hand is permissible for him as he may enjoy all parts of her body, but with his own hand (it is not permissible) because Allah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And those who guard their chastity (i.e. private parts, from illegal sexual acts).
Except from their wives or (slaves) that their right hands possess, - for then, they are free from blame;
But whoever seeks beyond that, then those are the transgressors”
[al-Mu’minoon 23:5-7].
This is among that which is beyond that.
End quote fromAsna al-Mataalib, 3/186
Abu’l-Naja al-Hajaawi al-Hanbali (may Allah have mercy on him) says:
He may engage in masturbation with the wife’s hand.
End quote fromal-Iqnaa‘; see commentary thereon,Kashshaaf al-Qinaa‘, 5/188
And Allah knows best.

- PUBLISHERNajimudeeN M

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