Kind Treatment of Spouses, - Dought & clear, - * She took some of her husband’s money without his knowledge to spend on her son’s marriage

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M NajimudeeN - INDIA
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Dear shaykh, I arranged my son’s marriage last year, and the expenses were huge. I spent a great deal and my husband swore that he would not pay any more costs, but I had not finished buying everything that was needed for the marriage. My husband’s money was with me and I do not have any money of my own. So I had no choice but to take some money from my husband’s money that was with me, without his knowledge, and I could not tell him. But by Allah, all I took I spent on the costs of the marriage. Now I do not know what to do? Am I a sinner?
Praise be to Allah.
Firstly:
The father is obliged to help his son remain chaste by means of marriage, especially if he asks him to do that and he has the need and desire for it, so as to protect him from temptation and to maintain his chastity.
See the answers to questions no. 83191and 87983
Secondly:
One should be moderate with regard to marriage expenses and not go beyond the bounds of moderation; the spending should not reach the level of extravagance and wastefulness as is common among people nowadays.
The scholars of the Standing Committee said:
Your spending half a million riyals on your daughter’s marriage comes under the heading of extravagance that is forbidden and there is the fear that you may incur punishment because of that unless you repent to Allah, may He be exalted, and give up this extravagance, because wealth belongs to Allah, may He be exalted, and people are entrusted with it. Islam has set out guidelines on how to handle this wealth and has forbidden extravagance and wastefulness. Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):“And those, who, when they spend, are neither extravagant nor miserly, but hold a medium (way) between those (extremes)” [al-Furqaan 25:67].
What is meant is: do not be extravagant by overstepping the limits of generosity and spending on sinful things, and do not be miserly in spending; Rather be in between that, i.e., between extravagance and miserliness; adopt a middle path.
End quote fromFataawa al-Lajnah ad-Daa’imah, 16/220-221
Thirdly:
It is not permissible for a woman to spend her husband’s wealth except with his permission, unless he is stingy towards her and her children and does not fulfil his duty towards Allah by spending on their maintenance as obliged. In that case it is permissible for her to take from his wealth whatever is sufficient for her and her children, on a reasonable basis.
See the answer to question no. 150250
If the husband has not been miserly towards his son with regard to his marriage and has spent on him in a reasonable manner, without being stingy but in accordance with his financial situation, it is not permissible for you to take anything from his wealth, even if it is to spend on your son’s marriage.
You mentioned that you had spent a great deal on this marriage. If what had been spent was sufficient for what is customary for someone like your son, then he does not have the right to anything more than that and what you took was a transgression against your husband’s wealth.
If it was in line with what is usually spent on marriage in your country, for people of similar standing to you, then you have the right to make up the costs for your son’s marriage in a way that will not adversely affect his father’s wealth or be unfair to him.
What you must do is pay attention to the rights of Allah to this wealth and to the rights of your husband who is the owner of this wealth, as well as the sanctity of the oath that he swore and what is in the best interests of your other children.
You also have to repent and ask for forgiveness, and you have to tell your husband what you did and ask him to forgive you and let you off.
But if you think it most likely that your relationship will be adversely affected or that your husband will get angry and there will be problems between you, then you do not have to tell him. With regard to the extra money that you spent, if you have money of your own from a salary, inheritance or the like, then you should pay back from your wealth what you took from your husband’s wealth without his permission.
If you do not have any wealth, then repent to Allah and ask for His forgiveness for that, and strive to treat your husband kindly as much as you can and pay attention to his rights, in the hope that Allah will forgive you and set things straight between you.
And Allah knows best.
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Kind Treatment of Spouses, - Dought & clear, - * Can she masturbate if her husband cannot satisfy her desire?

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Thank u for ur answer, but unfortunately it did not answer my question. The thing is, that we have tried every possible way there is to satisfy me, we have talked alot about it, we read a whole lot about it, but still havent been successful. Now my husband has said that he wants me to masturbate after we have had intercourse, so that i also get satisfied, because he is not able to do so in any which way.
But my question to u is: Am I allowed to masturbate after we have had intercourse if my husband cannot satisfy me with any method at all? I have my husbands permission. The only thing I need to know, is that if it is allowed in Islam to do so if the husband is not able to satisfy his wife at all?
I hope you will be able to help me, as this has started to effect our marriage life.
Hello
I have been married for 3 years now and love my husband very much. our problem is that my husband cannot satisfy me sexually at all, not with hand or anything else. We have tried all methods but it just doesnt work. This has become a big issue in our marriage, and makes me wants to masturbate as i dont get satisfied at all. My question to you is: is it allowed for me to masturbate in order to satisfy myself to stay happy in my marriage if nothing else is working ?
Praise be to Allah.
Firstly:
The basic principle is that masturbation is haraam. Please see the answer to question no. 329
That is only permitted if a person fears that he may end up committing zina; no doubt the prohibition on zina is more emphatic, and it is more abhorrent and reprehensible. Hence it is permissible to commit the lesser of two evils so as to ward off the greater.
Ar-Ruhaybaani (may Allah have mercy on him) said: If a person, man or woman, masturbates with no need to do so, that action is haraam and he should be given a disciplinary punishment for it, because it is a sin. But if he does it because he fears falling into zina or homosexuality, or because he fears physical harm, then there is no punishment.
End quote fromMataalib Ooli an-Nuha Sharh Ghaayat al-Muntaha, 6/226
Al-Mirdaawi (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
We learn two things from this:
1. That masturbation is not permissible except in cases of necessity
2. The ruling for women on that matter is the same as the ruling for men, if a woman fears falling into zina.
This is the correct view, as stated inal-Furoo‘.
End quote fromal-Insaaf, 10/252
Secondly:
What the husband must do is give his wife her rights to kind treatment. One of the most important matters to which he must pay attention in that regard is keeping her chaste so that she will not look at other men, and giving her her rights in matters of intimacy as much as possible, even if that means using aphrodisiacs and paying attention to nutrition.
If the husband reaches climax quickly, before his wife is satisfied, then he has to try hard to stimulate her first, even if that is with his hand or body, and not start to have intercourse until she is ready for that, and then she can reach climax through intercourse.
If the question is about masturbation with the hand, what difference is there between the husband’s hand or her own hand? Why can’t he do that for her, and why should she do that herself?
What we think is that the husband should do that, and it is better if it is before he has intercourse with her, then if she needs anything else, he can stimulate her again after having intercourse, so that her needs will be met.
There is nothing wrong with him consulting a specialist doctor, if he is suffering from any kind of problem.
And Allah knows best.

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Kind Treatment of Spouses, - Dought & clear, - * Can the husband’s cheating be justified by blaming his wife for refusing intimacy with him?

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If a husband cheats on his wife, can he blame his wife for his sin or be partially blamed? Not to say that they did not have intercourse for months or so, but refrained from sexual intimacy for a much shorter time (such as a week or more weeks, past the time the menstrual time has ended and intimacy is possible but has not occurred for whatever reason). Can he justify his actions by saying that she will get the sin because he did not fulfill his desires? Can at any point the wife be blamed, if it is a long period of time since sexual intimacy?
Praise be to Allah.
One of the worst things that the one who has been disobedient towards Allah can do is trying to justify his sin by referring to something that is worse than it and trying to justify his transgression of the sacred limits by making up excuses when he knows that the truth of the matter is that he was overcome by desires, by his nafs (self) that prompts him to do evil, lust that he could not control and a conscious decision to commit this action.
And he does this at the time when what the one who has committed an action that is contrary to Islam should do is hasten to admit his shortcomings and ask Allah for forgiveness. Allah, may He be glorified and exalted, loves for His slave who has slipped up and fallen into the mire of immoral actions to hasten to regret it and turn to his Lord, may He be glorified, and admit what he has done, then ask Allah, may He be glorified and exalted, to forgive him, help to do righteous deeds and protect him from evil deeds. Allah, may He be glorified and exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And turn in repentance and in obedience with true Faith (Islamic Monotheism) to your Lord and submit to Him, (in Islam), before the torment comes upon you, then you will not be helped”
[az-Zumar 39:54]
“And those who, when they have committed Fahishah (illegal sexual intercourse etc.) or wronged themselves with evil, remember Allah and ask forgiveness for their sins; - and none can forgive sins but Allah - And do not persist in what (wrong) they have done, while they know”
[Aal ‘Imraan 3:135].
We may ponder the story of our father Adam (peace be upon him) and how he hastened to admit his sin and take responsibility for what he had done and for his shortcomings. Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):
“They said: "Our Lord! We have wronged ourselves. If You forgive us not, and bestow not upon us Your Mercy, we shall certainly be of the losers”
[al-A ‘raaf 7:23].
So Allah, may He be glorified and exalted, rewarded him by accepting his repentance and forgiving him, by His grace. Allah, may He be glorified, says (interpretation of the meaning):
“Then Adam received from his Lord Words . And his Lord pardoned him (accepted his repentance). Verily, He is the One Who forgives (accepts repentance), the Most Merciful”
[al-Baqarah 2:37].
This is a good example for all of us; we should remember the grace and kindness of Allah, and we should put our trust in Him acknowledging our sins and our wrongdoing towards ourselves, and we should hasten to repent as Allah, may He be glorified and exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):
“If they (hypocrites), when they had been unjust to themselves, had come to you (Muhammad SAW) and begged Allahs Forgiveness, and the Messenger had begged forgiveness for them: indeed, they would have found Allah All-Forgiving (One Who accepts repentance), Most Merciful”
[an-Nisa’ 4:64].
As for the accursed Iblees, he persisted in his disobedience and did not admit his shortcomings; rather he tried to pin the blame on others and he argued about his reasons for going against the command of Allah, may He be glorified and exalted, as Allah tells us (interpretation of the meaning):
“(Allah) said: ‘What prevented you (O Iblees) that you did not prostrate, when I commanded you?’ Iblees said: ‘I am better than him (Adam), You created me from fire, and him You created from clay.’
(Allah) said: ‘(O Iblees) get down from this (Paradise), it is not for you to be arrogant here. Get out, for you are of those humiliated and disgraced.’”
[al-A‘raaf 7:12-13].
On the other hand:
It is not permissible for the wife to try to justify her disobedience by forsaking her husband’s bed with made-up excuses. Marital intimacy is a confirmed right and there is a stern warning against wives who fall short in that regard. The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “If a man calls his wife to his bed and she does not come to him, and he goes to sleep angry with her, the angels will curse her until morning.”
Narrated by al-Bukhaari (3237) and Muslim (1436).
This is a stern warning to every wife who refuses to share her husband’s bed for any reason other than a legitimate shar‘i excuse such as menses, nifaas (postpartum bleeding) or sickness. If she refuses for several weeks, then the sin is greater and more abhorrent, and she is required to repent and seek forgiveness, and also ask her husband to forgive her, so as to turn over a new leaf and to create a calm and happy family atmosphere in the home, filled with tranquillity, respect and fulfilment of rights and duties.
And Allah knows best.

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