For children, - Discover the 90/10 Principle this Ramadhan

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Discover the 90/10 Principle this Ramadhan (Ramzan) this Holy month of Ramadhan. It will change your life (at least the way you react to situations).
What is this principle? 10% of life is made up of what happens to you and 90% of life is decided by how you react.
What does this mean? We really have no control over 10% of what happens to us. We cannot stop the car from breaking down. The plane will be late arriving, which throws our whole schedule off. A driver may cut us off in traffic.
We have no control over this 10%. The other 90% is different. You determine the other 90%.
How? ... By your reaction.
You cannot control a red light, but you can control your reaction. Don't let people fool you; YOU can control how you react. Ramadhan fasting teaches you willpower and how to control.
Let's use an example.
You are eating breakfast with your family. Your daughter knocks over a cup of coffee onto your business shirt. You have no control over what just happened.
What happens next will be determined by how you react.
You curse. You harshly scold your daughter for knocking the cup over. She breaks down in tears. After scolding her, you turn to your spouse and criticize her for placing the cup too close to the edge of the table. A short verbal battle follows. You storm upstairs and change your shirt. Back downstairs, you find your daughter has been too busy crying to finish breakfast and get ready for school. She misses the bus.
Your spouse must leave immediately for work. You rush to the car and drive your daughter to school. Because you are late, you drive 40 miles an hour in a 30 miles/hour speed limit. After a 15-minute delay and throwing $60 traffic fine away, you arrive at school. Your daughter runs into the building without saying goodbye. After arriving at the office 20 minutes late, you find you forgot your briefcase. Your day has started terrible. As it continues, it seems to get worse and worse. You look forward to coming home.
When you arrive home, you find small wedge in your relationship with your spouse and daughter.
Why? Because of how you reacted in the morning.
Why did you have a bad day?
A) Did the coffee cause it?
B) Did your daughter cause it?
C) Did the policeman cause it?
D) Did you cause it?
The answer is "D".
You had no control over what happened with the coffee. How you reacted in those 5 seconds is what caused your bad day.
Here is what could have and should have happened.
Coffee splashes over you. Your daughter is about to cry. You gently say, "Its ok honey, you just need to be more careful next time." Grabbing a towel you rush upstairs. After grabbing a new shirt and your briefcase, you come back down in time to look through the window and see your child getting on the bus. She turns and waves. You arrive 5 minutes early and cheerfully greet the staff. Your boss comments on how good the day you are having.
Notice the difference?
Two different scenarios. Both started the same. Both ended different.
Why?
Because of how you REACTED.
You really do not have any control over 10% of what happens. The other 90% was determined by your reaction.
Here are some ways to apply the 90/10 principle. If someone says something negative about you, don't be a sponge. Let the attack roll off like water on glass. You don't have to let the negative comment affect you!
React properly and it will not ruin your day. A wrong reaction could result in losing a friend, being fired, getting stressed out etc.
How do you react if someone cuts you off in traffic? Do you lose your temper? Pound on the steering wheel? (A friend of mine had the steering wheel fall off) Do you curse? Does your blood pressure skyrocket? Do you try and bump them? WHO CARES if you arrive ten seconds later at work? Why let the cars ruin your drive?
Remember the 90/10 principle, and do not worry about it.
You are told you lost your job.
Why lose sleep and get irritated? It will work out. Use your worrying energy and time into finding another job.
The plane is late; it is going to mangle your schedule for the day. Why take outpour frustration on the flight attendant? She has no control over what is going on.
Use your time to study, get to know the other passenger. Why get stressed out? It will just make things worse.
Now you know the 90/10 principle. Apply it from this Holy month of Ramadhan and you will be amazed at the results. You will lose nothing if you try it. The 90/10 principle is incredible. Very few know and apply this principle.
The result?
Millions of people are suffering from undeserved stress, trials, problems and heartache. There never seem to be a success in life. Bad days follow bad days. Terrible things seem to be constantly happening. There is constant stress, lack of joy and broken relationships. Worry consumes time. Anger breaks friendships and life seems dreary and is not enjoyed to the fullest. Friends are lost. Life is a bore and often seems cruel. Does this describe you? If so, do not be discouraged.
You can be different!
We all must understand and apply the 90/10 principle. It will change our life!
The Holy Prophet Muhammad (saw)said in his famous Hadith: "... If someone curses you or insults you in this month of Ramadhan, (do not react) but politely tell him that you are fasting."
Note:To derive the maximum benefit from the Holy month of Ramadhan, we can follow the principle of PPP, i.e., to Plan in advance, Prepare to put our plan in action and Pray to Allah (SWT) to help us achieve our goals.

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Family Issues, - Guidance for the Muslim Wife - Complete book. (Part 12)

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GOOD ADVICE
1. It is wrong to tease someone about a past incident. Women have this evil habit of mentioning past incidents of grief and sorrow which have already been forgiven and forgotten. This renews the enmity.
2. Do not complain about the in-laws at home. Some complaints are sinful, show lack of patience and most often increase the enmity on both sides. In the same manner do not praise your family and exalt them in front of your in-laws. This can lead to the sin of pride and arrogance. The in-laws will be perturbed at the behaviour of the daughter-in-law.
3. Do not speak too much as this can result in something unsuitable being uttered.
4. As far as possible do not give your work to others. Do it yourself. In fact do the work of others as well. Not only will you be rewarded but you will be liked by everyone.
5. Neither pay attention nor listen to those women who gossip. Besides this act being sinful these women cause dissension.
6. If you hear any complaint about your mother-in-law, sister- in-law, the wife of your husband's brother or any near or far relative, do not conceal it in your heart. It is better to regard it as a lie and discard it. If you do not have that much courage, face the person who mentioned the complaint to you and clarify the matter so that no corruption spreads.
7. Do not be harsh on the servants. Ensure that your children do not harrass the maid's children because they, out of respect will not say anything verbally but will be hurt within.
8. Appoint a time to teach girls the Quran and books of deen. If books are not easily available, teach them the complete Behishti Zewar (Heavenly Ornaments by Ml. Ashraf Ali Thanwi). Also ensure that they learn some art or craft. However other subjects and arts must only be taught after they have learnt the Quran.
9. Do not make the girls that come to learn by you do any of your housework. Treat them like your own children.
10. Do not take any burden upon yourself for the sake of fame.
11. Be simple and humble in your ways. Wear simple clothing. Do not try and adorn yourself excessively when intending to go out.
12. Do not mention the flaws of a person's family or those of a deceased person. Not only is it sinful, it also causes undue grief.
13. Return someone else's utensil as soon as possibe. Do not mix it with your own utensils but keep it separate, so that it does not get mislaid. It is sinful to use anyone's property without his permission.
14. Do not form a habit of eating lavishly. You may not be able to afford sumptuous meals all the time.
15. Do not forget a person's favour no matter how insignificant and do not boast of your favour no matter how great.
16. The best way to spend your free time is to read a book. Do not read books which have an evil influence.
17. Never raise your voice when speaking. It is shameless for women to let their voices be heard outside.
18. If you wake up at night, do not disturb anyone by making a din. Maintain silence in whatever you are doing.
19. It is disrespectful to laugh at the elders. Do not be too free with young children otherwise they will become disrespectful.
20. If everyone stands up in a gathering, you should not remain seated as this is a sign of pride.
21. Do not praise your family or children in front of anyone.
22. If there is remorse between two people, do not say anything inflammatory to either of them.
23. Do not be harsh.
24. Do not express anger over anyone in front of a guest. The guest will not be at ease as he was before.
25. Be courteous to an enemy as well. His enmity will not increase.
26. Do not let crumbs of bread lie around. Whenever you see some crumbs, clean them and eat them. If you cannot eat them, give them to some animal. If the tablecloth has fragments, do not dust it off where someone walks.
27. After completing a meal do not leave the food and stand up as this is disrespectful. First clear the tablecloth and then get up.
28. Girls should not play habitually with boys because the habits of both become spoilt. If any unknown boy enters the house, the girls should move away from there.
29. Do not scuffle mockingly. Most often it causes frustration and sometimes it can cause an injury. Also do not frequently joke in such a manner that it angers another person.
30. Do not sit at the head-side of an elderly person that is lying down unless you are asked to do so.
31. When you borrow something from someone, safeguard it carefully and return it as soon as you have finished using it. Do not let the person ask you for it. How will he know that you are no longer using it? Secondly, he may not ask you out of consideration. Similarly if you are owing money to someone, pay him as soon as you can.
32. If you have to walk at night, remove the anklets from your legs. Do not let them tinkle whilst walking.
33. If there is only one person in a room and the door is closed, do not suddenly open the door and enter. He may be in the nude or he may be sleeping and will be disturbed. First call out softly and ask permission to enter. Enter only after obtaining permission, otherwise remain silent and leave. If it is something very urgent, call out aloud to wake him up.
34. Do not criticise a nation or town in the presence of someone you do not know. It will be highly embarrassing if he happens to hail from that town or nation.
35. Similarly if you do not know who has done a certain act, do not say "which idiot has done this" or something similar. It will be highly embarrassing if it is someone you know.
36. If your child denies doing any wrong, do not take the side of your child especially in front of him as this will spoil his habit.
37. When marrying your daughters, ensure the piety and religiousness of the boy. A boy with a good religious background will care for his wife properly. However if a person is very wealthy but he is irreligious, he will not know the rights of the wife and will not be loyal to her.
38. Some women have the habit of throwing a pebble towards a person from behind the curtain in order to attract his attention. The pebble can injure someone. Use other means to attract a persons attention without injuring anyone.
39. Mark your clothing with a floral label etc. to prevent the clothing from getting mixed at the cleaners. It is not permissible to take someone else's clothing.
40. There is a custom amongst the Arabs that if a person wants something as a blessing from a pious saint, he will give the saint something and tell him to use it for a few days. In this way the buzurg (saint) does not have any hesitation, otherwise if 20 people ask the saint for something, he will not even have a cloth left for himself. It is a very suitable custom to adopt.
41. If someone makes a statement and you want to contradict it, do not attribute it to someone else who upon hearing what you said will resent it.
42. Do not accuse anyone on mere suspicion without investigating. It can be very distressing.

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Family Issues, - Guidance for the Muslim Wife - Complete book. (Part 11)

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CARING FOR THE CHILDREN
1. Wash the child's hands, face, neck, ears, and groin properly with a wet cloth each day . When dirt collects, the flesh becomes putrefied and sores develop as a result.
2. When the child urinates or passes stool, cleanse him immediately. Do not merely wipe with a cloth as this results in a rash and a swelling on the body. During cold weather use warm water.
3. Make him sleep separately and join the sides of the bed or place two pillows on the either side so that he does not fall. If you let him sleep next to you, there is the fear of him getting crushed under you unknowingly. His limbs are very tender and great precaution must be taken.
4. Do not let him form a habit of playing on the swing as swings are not availabe everyhere. Also do not keep him in the lap for too long as this makes him weak.
5. Form the childs habit of going to everyone. By going to one person only, the child will be unduly grieved if that person passes away.
6. If you want a wet-nurse to breastfeed your child, choose one whose milk is good and who is young, with a good character. She must be religious; not foolish, shameless, ill-mannered, miserly and greedy.
7. When the child begins to eat, do not let the wet-nurse feed him. Feed him yourself or let a responsible person feed him so that he does not overeat and become sick. When administering medicine, have it prepared and given in your presence.
8. When he begins to understand a little, let him form a habit of eating with his own hand. Teach him to eat with the right hand and to eat less so that he be free of illnesses and greed.
9. The parents or guardian should take care that the child is always clean. If the hands and face get dirty, they should be washed immediately.
10. If possible, there should be someone to keep an eye on the child while he is playing and protect him from injury and evil company.
11. The servant should be emphatically told not to feed him in any place. If someone gives him something to eat, he should bring it home and show it to the parents.
12. The child should be taught not to ask anyone for anything besides the buzrugs (saints) nor take anything from anyone or take anything without permission.
13. Do not show too much affection for the child thereby spoiling him.
14. Do not make him wear very tight clothing.
15. Inculcate in him the habit of using miswaak regularly.
16. The first part of this book contains etiquettes for eating, drinking, speaking, meeting people, sitting and awakening. Teach the child these etiquettes. Do not feel that he will learn them himself when he grows up or you will teach him at that time. Remember that no one can learn himself and by reading he will become aware of it but a habit will not be formed. As long as he does not have these habits, no matter how educated he may be, he will always be ill-mannered and shameless.
17. Do not pressurize the child to learn. Initially appoint one hour for his learning, then two, three and so on. Make him strive according to his capacity. Do not teach the whole day as this causes excessive fatigue. If there is too much strain, his heart and mind will deteriorate, his memory will weaken and he will become lazy like a sick person. He will ultimately lose interest in studying.
18. Besides a few minor vacations he should not be given too many holidays without necessity as this will bore him.
19. Engage the service of the most perfect and knowledgeable person available in the field he has chosen. Employing cheap teachers will have detrimental results.
20. Arrange the learning program in such a way that the easy lessons are taught in the afternoon and the difficult ones in the morning because a person becomes tired later in the day and fears difficult lessons.
21. Children, especially girls should be taught cooking and sewing.
22. Teach the boys not to make istinja (purifying oneself after answering the call of nature) in front of others, especially females.

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Family Issues, - Guidance for the Muslim Wife - Complete book. (Part 10)

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EXPERIENCE AND ORGANISATION
1. As far as possible do not have both your sons' or both daughters' weddings at the same time because there will be a difference between the daughters-in-law and the sons-in-law, in the features of the boys and girls, in their neatness of clothing and in their modesty. There are many other factors in which there will be differences and people have the habit of extolling one and criticizing the other. This will unjustly hurt the feeling of the other.
2. Do not trust each and every person nor be in the habit of leaving the house in someones custody. Until you are not confident of a persons integrity, do not place your trust in him. In some areas many women enter the homes, some in the guise of hajees with a piece of the cloth of the Kaaba, some making taweez knots etc., some as fortune tellers and some with amusements. Do not let them enter the house. They have destroyed many a home.
3. Do not leave your safe or box which contains money, jewellery and valuables open and walk away. Either lock it or take it with you.
4. As far as possible do not purchase goods on credit. However if you are compelled to do so, make a note of the price and the date of purchase and pay as soon as possible.
5. Keep a record of the clothing given for washing. Do not rely on your memory.
6. As far as possible keep the house expenses to a minimum. In fact you should save from the amount you are given to use for the house.
7. Do not tell those women who habitually come to the house from elsewhere such things which you do not want others to know of because they carry tales to many houses.
8. Do not cook rice and flour by estimate. Approximate your expenses and measure the ingredients for both meals. Do not pay heed if anyone teases you.
9. When your daughters go outside, do not make them wear jewellery. There is fear of both life and wealth.
10. If a man comes to the door and explains his relationship or friendship or any kind of contact with your husband, father or brother, do not allow him inside i.e. even after making pardah nor give him anything valuable. Send food etc. to him as if he is a stranger. Do not show too much affection and sincerity unless a male from the house recognizes him. Similarly do not use anything which he may give you. Do not be perturbed if he gets offended.
11. If an unknown woman comes and informs you that she was told to come and fetch you, do not accompany her. Do not do any work which a stranger may tell you to do, nor give him anything from the house.
12. Do not let such a tree grow in the house, the fruit of which can injure someone.
13. Wear warm clothing in winter. Most women do not wear sufficient clothing and this inevitably results in colds and flu.
14. Teach the children the parents' names and even the grandfather's name and ask them occasionally in order for them to remember. The benefit of this is that if the child gets lost and is asked about his parents, he can mention the name. In this way someone or the other can return the child to the parents. If the child does not know the name, he will say I am mummy's child or daddy's, making it difficult to trace the actual parents.
15. At a certain place a woman left her child and went away for some work. Meanwhile a cat came and scratched the child so viciously that he died. Two lessons can be learnt from this: Firstly, a child should not be left alone. Secondly, dogs and cats can never be trusted. Some women foolishly make the cats sleep with them. What guarantee do they have of the cat not striking a paw deceivingly at night, or biting or getting hold of the jugular vein.
16. Before using any medicine always show it to the doctor first. Clean it thoroughly before using. Sometimes an unqualified doctor may give you a wrong prescription. Whatever medicine remains over in a container or sachet should be labelled otherwise no one may recognize it. No matter how expensive it was, it will have to be discarded. You may remember wrongly and use it for some other illness, thus causing even more harm.
17. If you do happen to give a loan, do not give too much. Give an amount which, in the event of non-repayment will not overburden you.
18. When intending to undertake something new or major, first take the advice of an understanding, religious and obliging person.
19. Keep your money and valuables safely hidden. Do not mention it to everyone.
20. When writing a letter to someone write the address clearly. If you happen to write to the same person again, do not leave your address out assuming the addressee to have remembered it from your first letter. Allah knows best whether the first letter reached or not. If perchance it did not reach, how much inconvenience the addressee will experience especially if he does not know the address by memory or is illiterate.
21. When travelling by public transport eg. a train, safeguard your ticket very carefully. Do not be negligent and sleep in the train nor tell any fellow passenger your secret or mention anything about your valuables and jewellery. Do not eat anything given to you by strangers eg. betel leaf, sweetmeats etc. Do not wear jewellery when travelling by train. Keep it safely in a box etc. You can wear it on reaching home.
22. Always keep some loose coins in your pocket.
23. Do not interfere with an insane person nor speak to him. If he is not in his senses, he may say or do something that is highly embarrassing to you.
24. Do not place your barefeet anywhere in the dark nor your hand. First switch the light on and then proceed.
25. Do not tell each and every person your secret. By mentioning it to others it is more likely to be exposed.
26. Keep the necessary medicines at home.
27. Always ponder at the consequence of any act before attempting it.
28. Do not purchase crockery and utensils unnecessarily as this destroys ones wealth.
29. If women are sitting in a train and their husbands are sitting in another coach, the women should not alight by observing or hearing the name of the station they intend going to. Some cities have 2 or 3 stations. There is a possibility that the men may alight at another station resulting in both parties separating and causing unnecessary inconvenience. The women should disembark only when the men come to fetch them.
30. Women should also keep the following items with them: a book of masalahs (laws), a pen, paper and a jug for wudu.
31. Do not ask people going on a journey to bring anything for you nor request them to take anything. These requests most often cause inconvenience. If you intend to send a parcel or a letter, it can be posted.
32. Do not partake of anything given to you by a stranger on a journey. Sometimes criminals give poison or intoxicants with the intention of looting your belongings.
33. Whilst hurrying to catch the train, be careful not to sit in a class higher than the one you paid for.
34. Whilst sewing, if a needle gets stuck in the cloth, do not remove it with your mouth. Sometimes it may break or slip and pierce the palate or tongue.
35. Always keep a nailclipper with you.
36. Do not ever put medicine in the eyes.
37. Do not interfere in other peoples affairs nor give any advice. However if you are requested to do so, there is no harm.
38. Do not insist on someone staying over. This can inconvenience a person. What benefit is there in such love, the result of which is animosity?
39. Do not carry something that is too heavy. Women should especially be careful because their joints and blood vessels are much more delicate and sensitive.
40. Do not leave a needle or any sharp object lying around. It can cause an injury.
41. Do not punish a child or student with a thick stick nor kick him.
42. Do not give something heavy or dangerous from above someone. Even food and water should not be given from above someone.
43. Always inform the host if you have already eaten. This will not inconvenience him by unnecessarily preparing food.
44. Do not buy and sell at an inconvenient place.
45. Children of a learning age should be given food which strengthens the brain.
46. As far as possible do not remain alone at home during the night. Allah only knows what calamity can befall a person.
47. Do not allow children to do any risky or dangerous tasks.
48. Do not suddenly pick up bricks, stones etc. that are lying in one place for a long time. Very often scorpions or other harmful creatures breed under them. Always lift them up carefully.
49. When intending to lie on the bed, first dust it as there may be some creature lying on it.
50. Place leaves of the margosa tree or camphor or naphthelene balls between silk and woollen clothing to prevent moths or worms from breeding.
51. When concealing money at home, always tell one or two persons whom you trust.
52. Some people use a lock and place the key somewhere nearby. This is inefficient.
53. Do not light a lamp of oil as it is very harmful. Be careful when switching a lantern off. Do not place your hand on it. Use a fan or cloth to extinguish it.
54. If you want to count money at night, do so silently.
55. Do not leave a burning lamp in an empty house. Similarly do not throw away a burning match. Either extinguish it and then throw it away or trample it with your shoe so that no spark remains.
56. Do not allow children to play with matches, fire and fireworks.
57. When going to toilet with a lamp, place it carefully so that it does not burn the clothing. Many people have sustained burns in this manner. Kerosene oil especially, is very dangerous.

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Welcome to Islam, - The Inherent Differences Between Man and Woman - II

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Here is a set of features with which men and women have been characterized:
From among the rulings assigned to men, a mention may be made of the following:
• Men are in charge of the household in general and of preserving, caring and safeguarding virtue, holding back vice and protecting those under their guardianship from evil. They are also in charge of the household in terms of earning a living and spending upon it. In confirmation of this, Allaah The Almighty Says )what means(:}Men are in charge of women by ]right of[ what Allaah has given one over the other and what they spend ]for maintenance[ from their wealth. So righteous women are devoutly obedient, guarding in ]the husband's[ absence what Allaah would have them guard.{]Quran 4:34[
Consider the effect of that responsibility in the word "under" in the Grand Quran as stated by Allaah The Almighty in Soorat At-Tahreem:}Allaah presents an example of those who disbelieved: the wife of Noah and the wife of Lot. They were under two of Our righteous servants.{]Quran 66:10[
"Under" in this context tells us that they had no authority over their husbands; rather, it was their husbands who had authority over them. The woman is, therefore, not to be regarded as equal to or above the man in this regard.
• Prophethood and the delivering of Allaah’s message are the domain of men and not women. In confirmation of this, Allaah The Almighty Says )what means(:}And We sent not before you ]as messengers[ except men to whom We revealed from among the people of cities.{]Quran 12:109[
According to scholars of Tafseer )Quranic exegesis(, Allaah The Almighty has never sent as a prophet a woman, an angel, a jinn, or a Bedouin.
• As for public guardianship and the jobs done under it like the judiciary, public administration, and so on, and all other forms of guardianship like that in marriage, are also the domain of men.
• Men are specifically assigned, to the exclusion of women, many acts of worship such as the obligatory duty of Jihaad, Jumu‘ah )Friday prayer in the mosque( prayer, congregational prayers )in the mosque(, pronouncement of the Athaan and Iqaamah )calls to prayer(, and so on. Divorce also is made in the hand of the man and not the woman, and the custody of the children are given to the man and not the woman.
• The man's share of inheritance, blood-money and his witness is twice that of the woman.
These and other rulings assigned exclusively to men explain the meaning of what is mentioned by Allaah The Almighty at the end of the Noble Verse of Divorce in which He Says )what means(:}But the men have a degree over them ]in responsibility and authority[. And Allaah is Exalted in Might and Wise.{]Quran 2:228[
On the other hand, there are many rulings that Allaah The Almighty assigned to women in acts of worship, social interaction, marriage and its ramifications, judgments, and so on. They are well-known in the Quran and Sunnah as well as in the writings of jurists. Many books, in the past as well as the present, have been dedicated to this purpose in particular.
Some of these pertain to her Hijaab and guarding her virtue.
That Allaah The Almighty has assigned to each sex a set of rulings has three implications:
First, to have faith in and acknowledge the physical, mental and Sharee‘ah-determined distinction between men and women. Each should be satisfied with what has been decreed by Allaah The Almighty for him/her. Perfect justice lies in these distinctions, and through observing them, order is achieved in the life of human society.
Second, it is impermissible for a male or a female Muslim to hope for what was assigned by Allaah The Almighty to the other. To do so would be to be displeased with the decree of Allaah The Almighty and dissatisfied with His command and ordinance. Rather, let each slave ask Allaah The Almighty out of His bounty for that is from Sharee‘ah-recommended politeness and which removes envy, disciplines the believing soul and habituates it to be pleased with what is decreed by Allaah The Almighty.
Allaah The Almighty forbade wishing for what is assigned to others in His statement )which means(:}And do not wish for that by which Allaah has made some of you exceed others. For men is a share of what they have earned, and for women is a share of what they have earned. And ask Allaah of His bounty. Indeed Allaah is ever, of all things, Knowing.{]Quran 4:32[
The occasion on which this verse was revealed is what is narrated on the authority of Mujaahid, may Allaah have mercy upon him, that Umm Salamah, may Allaah be pleased with her, said, “O Messenger of Allaah, will men take part in Jihaad and we ]women[ not do so? Why should we have only half their inheritance?” On that Allaah The Almighty revealed )what means(:}And do not wish for that by which Allaah has made some of you exceed others.{]Quran 4:32[ ]At-Tabari, Ahmad, Al-Haakim and others[
According to At-Tabari, may Allaah have mercy upon him, “Allaah The Almighty means here, 'Desire not that with which Allaah has favored some of you over others'. It is mentioned that it was revealed in connection with some women who wished to be in the same position of men and have what they have, but Allaah The Almighty forbade His slaves to have such false wishes and commanded them to ask Him for His Bounty, as such wishes always draw envy and transgression with no just cause.”
Third, if mere wishing is forbidden as stated by the Quran, then what about those who actually deny the Sharee‘ah-determined distinctions, call for their cancellation, and claim equality, to which they invite in the name of equality between man and woman?
Undoubtedly, this is an atheistic theory for it contradicts the universal norm of Allaah The Almighty that decreed these physical and moral distinctions between men and women and seeks to disregard Islam with its Sharee‘ah-related texts which determine, in many rulings, the differences between the male and the female.

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Welcome to Islam, - The Inherent Differences Between Man and Woman - I

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The physical, moral and Sharee‘ah-related differences between man and woman are proven by Divine Decree, the Sharee‘ah, and sound ration.
That is, Allaah The Almighty has created man and woman as twin-halves of the human species: male and female, as confirmed by His Statement )which means(:}And that He creates the two mates - the male and female.{]Quran 53:45[ Both participate in maintaining the universe, each in his/her field. They share in maintaining it by worshipping Allaah The Almighty, in which there is no difference between men and women in the universalities of religion: Tawheed )Islamic monotheism(, creed, articles of faith, submission to Allaah The Almighty, reward and punishment, encouragement and admonition in general, in addition to virtue and chastity. There is also no difference between them in the universality of religious law, as regards to all rights and duties; Allaah The Almighty Says )what means(:
•}And I did not create the jinn and mankind except to worship Me.{]Quran 51:56[
•}Whoever does righteousness, whether male or female, while he is a believer - We will surely cause him to live a good life.{]Quran 16:97[
•}And whoever does righteous deeds, whether male or female, while being a believer - those will enter Paradise and will not be wronged, ]even as much as[ the speck on a date seed.{]Quran 4:124[
But, Allaah The Almighty decreed that man is different from woman in physique, constitution and appearance. Man is more perfect in nature, disposition and physical power than woman, due to what she suffers of menses, pregnancy, the pains of childbirth, suckling, looking after the affairs of the baby, and raising the future generation of the Ummah )Muslim nation(. That is why the woman was created from the rib of Aadam )Adam(, may Allaah exalt his mention. She is a complementary part of him, and man is entrusted to take care of her affairs, guard and protect her, and maintain her as well as their offspring.
This difference in disposition led to differences between them in physical, mental, intellectual, emotional capabilities, and will-power, and that was reflected in the difference in work, performance, and competence. Additionally, modern day scientists have concluded that there are amazing signs of physiological disparity between the two sexes.
The types of difference between the sexes has accounted for a large set of corresponding Sharee‘ah-stipulated rulings. Allaah, The Exalted in Honor, the Wise, with His Perfect Wisdom, has enjoined difference, disparity and authority between man and woman in some Sharee‘ah-stipulated rulings in tasks and functions that befit each according to his/her physique, constitution, capabilities and performance, and the aptitude of each of them in his/her respective field of human life, in order for life to be integrated and for each party to undertake his/her task in it.
Allaah The Almighty assigned to men rulings that befit their physique, constitution, structure, competence, qualification for performance, patience, endurance and solemnity, and the bulk of their role is outside the home as they endeavor to provide for their household. He did the same with women, to whom He assigned rulings that befit their physique, constitution, structure, competence, qualification for performance and fragile endurance, and the bulk of their job is thus inside the home, looking after the affairs of their household and raising those in it who constitute the next generation of the Ummah.
Allaah The Almighty related from a woman her statement )which means(:}“And the male is not like the female.”{]Quran 3:36[ Exalted be He, to whom belongs the creation and command, ruling and legislation:}Unquestionably, His is the creation and the command; blessed is Allaah, Lord of the worlds.{]Quran 7:54[
This is the universal norm of Allaah The Almighty in His creation )meaning that whatever Allaah The Almighty wills and decrees for his slaves will inevitably occur(, constitution and foundations, and His Legislative norm concerning commands, rulings and laws. Both norms meet to serve the benefits of people, the maintenance of the universe, and the organization of the life of the individual, the home, the community and human society.

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Welcome to Islam, - Maryam, the Mother of Jesus

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As Muslims, we respect, honor and hold in high esteem Maryam, may Allaah exalt her mention, the daughter of Imraan who was a chaste virgin and is the best of the women of the world.
The Muslims respect and love her for many reasons, among which are the following:
• Allaah Almighty praised her and described her as being pure and chaste; Allaah Almighty Says )what means(:}And ]the example of[ Mary, the daughter of ‘Imraan, who guarded her chastity, so We blew into ]her garment[ through Our angel ]i.e. Gabriel[, and she believed in the words of her Lord and His scriptures and was of the devoutly obedient.{]Quran 66:12[ Indeed, Allaah Almighty mentioned her and elaborated on the details of her story in many verses in the Quran.
• Allaah has chosen her as the best of the women of this world; Allaah Says )what means(:})And ]mention[ when the angels said, “O Mary, indeed Allaah has chosen you and purified you and chosen you above the women of the worlds.{]Quran 3:42[
• Maryam, may Allaah exalt her mention, was brought up in a pious and religious family like her mother, may Allaah be pleased with her, who vowed to Allaah to dedicate what was in her womb to His Services and to serve His Religion; Allaah Says )what means(:}]Mention, O Muhammad[, when the wife of Imraan said, “My Lord, indeed I have pledged to You what is in my womb, consecrated ]for Your service[, so accept this from me. Indeed, You are the Hearing, the Knowing.” But when she delivered her, she said, “My Lord I have delivered a female.” And Allaah was most knowing of what she delivered, and the male is not like the female. And I have named her Mary, and I seek refuge for her in You and ]for[ her descendants from Satan, the expelled ]from the mercy of Allaah[.”{]Quran 3: 35-36[
Indeed, Allaah accepted the supplication of the mother of Maryam as He appointed a Prophet to her care and service, who was the Prophet Zechariah, may Allaah exalt his mention, so that she would be brought up upon the Guidance of Allaah. Allaah Says )what means(:}So her Lord accepted her with good acceptance and caused her to grow in a good manner and put her in the care of Zechariah. Every time Zechariah entered upon her in the prayer chamber, he found with her provision. He said, “O Mary, from where is this ]coming[ to you?” She said, “It is from Allaah. Indeed, Allaah provides for whom He wills without account.”{]Quran 3:37[
• Maryam, may Allaah exalt her mention, reached a status and an honorable level that no other women has reached; the Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, mentioned this and clarified this in many Ahadeeth. For instance, we cite the following:
-“Many men reached the level of perfection, but no woman reached such a level except Maryam, the daughter of Imraan, and Asia, the wife of Pharaoh."]Al-Bukhaari and Muslim[
-“The best of the women of her time was Maryam, daughter of Imraan, and the best of the women of her time was Khadeejah, Bint Khuwaylid.”]Al-Bukhaari and Muslim[
-“The best of the women of paradise after Maryam Bint ‘Imraan are: Faatimah ]daughter of the Prophet[, Khadeejah ]Prophet’s wife[ and Asia the wife of Pharaoh.”]As-Silsilah As-Saheehah[
-“The best of the women of the world are: “Maryam Bint ‘Imraan, Khadeejah Bint Khuwaylid, Faatimah Bint Muhammad, and Asia, the wife of Pharaoh.”]At-Tirmithi[
• All the Muslim nation agree that Maryam, may Allaah exalt her mention, was of great honor and high status and they consider her as an example regarding purity and chastity.
• A whole Chapter in the Quran was named after her name and she is the only woman who has won this honor )as no other Chapter is named after any other woman(, and Allaah elaborated in details the story of her conceiving ‘Eesa, may Allaah exalt his mention, and her giving birth to him.
• Also, she is the only woman who was clearly mentioned by name in the Quran whereas other women of honor and great status were only mentioned by reference.
Indeed, her name was mentioned explicitly in the Quran 34 times in 32 verses, and it was mentioned 11 times without being linked to her son ‘Eesa )Jesus(, may Allaah exalt his mention.
• Also, Maryam, may Allaah exalt her mention, was the one who was given as an example – along with Asia Bint Muzaahim ]the wife of Pharaoh[ –for the Muslim women, and for men as well. Allaah Says )what means(:}And Allaah presents an example of those who believed: the wife of Pharaoh, when she said, “My Lord, build for me near You a house in Paradise and save me from Pharaoh and his deeds and save me from the wrongdoing people.” And ]the example of[ Mary, the daughter of ‘Imraan, who guarded her chastity, so We blew into ]her garment[ through Our angel ]i.e. Gabriel[, and she believed in the words of her Lord and His scriptures and was of the devoutly obedient.{]Quran 66:11-12[
• Maryam, may Allaah exalt her mention was known for her chastity and virginity even after giving birth to ‘Eesa )Jesus(, the Messenger of Allaah, may Allaah exalt their mention. She sought refuge with Allaah when the angel Jibreel )Gabriel( appeared to her in the form of a man in all respects, as she said: Allaah Says ]on her tongue[ )what means(:}She said: “Verily! I seek refuge with the Most Merciful )i.e. Allaah( from you if you do fear Allaah”{]Quran 19:18[
• Allaah honored her by declaring her not guilty and by protecting her honor and dignity with a great miracle as He made her son –‘Eesa )Jesus( –speak while he was still in the cradle in order to declare her innocence and refute the accusation of the people of falsehood and corruption. Indeed, Allaah mentioned in details the story how she conceived her son and how she gave birth to him. Allaah Says )what means(:}Then she brought him to her people, carrying him. They said, ‘O Mary, you have certainly done a thing unprecedented. O sister of Aaron, your father was not a man of evil, nor was your mother unchaste.” So she pointed to him. They said, “How can we speak to one who is in the cradle a child?” ]Jesus[ said, “Indeed, I am the servant of Allaah. He has given me the Scripture and made me a prophet. And He has made me blessed wherever I am and has enjoined upon me prayer and Zakaah as long as I remain alive. And ]made me[ dutiful to my mother, and He has not made me a wretched tyrant. And peace is on me the day I was born and the day I will die and the day I am raised alive.” That is Jesus, the son of Mary— the word of truth about which they are in dispute. It is not ]befitting[ for Allaah to take a son; exalted is He! When He decrees an affair, He only says to it, “Be,” and it is.{]Quran 19:27-35[
• Allaah selected her to be a pious believing mother for one of the Prophets of great determination, who were the five great Prophets in the history of mankind, may Allaah exalt their mention.
• She conceived ‘Eesa )Jesus(, may Allaah exalt his mention, in an unordinary human way, and in a miraculous manner as the angel Jibreel )Gabriel( breathed into her womb and she became pregnant, and then she gave birth to him.
• She was honored as Allaah attributed her great son to her; Jesus, son of Mary, as he was mentioned being attributed to her in the Quran 23 times out of 34 times.
• Allaah honored her with a number of miracles before her pregnancy and after she gave birth, such as the food which Allaah blessed her with when there was nobody to give her food or when she was lacking it. Allaah Says )what means(:}…and put her in the care of Zechariah. Every time Zechariah entered upon her in the prayer chamber, he found with her provision. He said, “O Mary, from where is this ]coming[ to you?” She said, “It is from Allaah. Indeed, Allaah provides for whom He wills without account.”{]Quran 3:37[ Allaah also blessed her with the stream and the palm tree, which Allaah created for her so that she would eat and drink from them in the lonely place where she was so that she will give birth far from the eyes of the people. Allaah Says )what means(:}…But he called her from below her, “Do not grieve; your Lord has provided beneath you a stream. And shake toward you the trunk of the palm tree; it will drop upon you ripe, fresh dates. So eat and drink and be contented…”{]Quran 19:24-26[
• She was strong in her religion. She endured much hardship and was steadfast to the last second of hardship, especially when she became pregnant, when she gave birth, and when she breastfed her son.
• Her name was widely spread among the Christians and the Muslims. Indeed, many Muslims like naming their daughters Maryam, and her name is absolutely the most wide-spread name for females around the world and in the Christian world. Her name is especially spread among the woman in Spanish speaking countries, such as the name of Mary Augustine, and Mary Asunción, Mary Antoinette, Miriam, Mary Carmen, and Mary Magdalene, Virginia, …etc.
Conclusion:
Maryam, may Allaah exalt her mention, is a role model for all Muslim women because she maintained her impeccable character throughout her life. Allaah raised her status and chose her from among the women of the entire world. Indeed, many verses and many Ahadeeth clarified her great status.
Allaah blessed her with some miracles, protected her and defended her against any accusations and blasphemy. On the other hand, Maryam, may Allaah exalt her mention, demonstrated her genuine devotion and loyalty to Allaah through her impeccable virtue and behavior. She also expressed her profound and genuine devotion to Him Almighty through her determination, devotion, and unconditional surrender to His Will. She placed all of her hope and trust only in Allaah.
As a result, Allaah supported her with His Grace and Help, and turned all hardship into goodness and beauty.
She became pregnant and delivered her child all alone. She showed patience and complete faith in Allaah and endured the accusations of her people. Consequently, Allaah eased her burden, supported her, and refuted any accusations against her.
Maryam, may Allaah exalt her mention, had a superior and honorable position.
As Muslims, we should honor her, defend her dignity and chastity, and clarify to the people of the whole world the truth about her that she is the best example for all women around the world to follow. She was indeed the best woman ever in the whole world, may Allaah exalt her mention.

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Dought & clear, - Celebrating innovated festivals

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What is the shar’i ruling on celebrating festivals such as the birthday of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), children’s birthdays, Mother’s Day, Tree Week and national holidays?
Firstly: ‘Eid (festival) is the name given to something
which returns ya’ood , and is used to describe gatherings which happen repeatedly, on a yearly,
monthly or weekly basis, etc. So an ‘eid includes a number of things,
such as a day which comes regularly, e.g., ‘Eid al-Fitr and Friday;
gatherings on that day; and actions such as acts of worship and customs
which are done on that day.
Secondly: any of these things which are intended as rituals
or acts of worship aimed at drawing closer to Allaah or glorifying Him
in order to earn reward, or which involve imitating the people of Jaahiliyyah
or any other groups of kaafirs, is a prohibited bid’ah, an innovation
which comes under the general meaning of the hadeeth: “Whoever innovates
something in this matter of ours (Islam) that is not part of it, will
have it rejected.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari and Muslim).
Examples of that include Mawlid al-Nabi (the Prophet’s birthday),
Mother’s Day and national holidays, because in the first case there
are innovated acts of worship which Allaah has not prescribed, and because
it involves imitation of the Christians and other kaafirs. And in the
second and third cases there is imitation of the kuffaar. But in cases
where the intention is to organize work to serve the interests of the
ummah and to put its affairs straight, or to organize programs of study,
or to bring employees together for work purposes etc., which in and
of themselves do not involve acts of worship and glorification, then
these are a kind of benign innovation which do not come under the meaning
of the hadeeth, “Whoever innovates something in this matter of ours
(Islam) that is not a part of it will have it rejected.” So there is
nothing wrong with such things, indeed they are allowed by sharee’ah.
And Allaah is the Source of strength. May Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad and his family and companions, and grant them peace.

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Dought & clear, - Reciting du’aa’ for forgiveness in unison following prayer

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When the imam finishes praying he recites the du’aa’ for forgiveness (istighfaar) in communal fashion, out loud. Is this permissible?.
Praise be to Allaah.
It says inFataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa’imah:
Saying du’aa’ out loud following the five daily prayers and the regular Sunnah prayers, or reciting du’aa’ after the prayers in unison as a regular practise is a reprehensible innovation (bid’ah), because it is not reported that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) or his companions (may Allaah be pleased with them) did anything like that.
Fataawa Islamiyyah, 1/319

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Dought & clear, - What is al-waneesah

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What is al-waneesah? What is the ruling on it and what is the reward for it?.
Praise be to Allaah.
When we were asked about al-waneesah we were told that it means staying overnight at the grave on the first night after the burial, to give comfort to the deceased, as they claim. This is a kind of reprehensible innovation (bid’ah) which has no basis in the actions of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) or of his companions. If it were something good they would have done it before us. Because no such thing has been narrated to us from them, even though so many people died during their lifetime, it may be understood that there is nothing good in this practice.
The basic principle concerning acts of worship is to follow only that which is narrated in the Qur’aan and Sunnah, and not to introduce new and innovated forms of worship. Allaah can only be worshipped in the manner that He has prescribed in His Book or on the lips of His Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him).
There is no reward for doing acts of bid’ah, rather they will be rejected and thrown back at the one who does them, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever innovates something in this matter of ours [Islam] that is not part of it, will have it rejected.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 2697; Muslim, 1718).
It is also misguidance, as he said: “The worst of matters are those which are newly-innovated. Every innovation is a going astray.” Narrated by Muslim, 867. Al-Nasaa’i (1578) added: “And every going astray will be in the Fire.”
There is the fear that fitnah (trials, afflictions) will befall the person who practices this innovation, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And let those who oppose the Messenger’s (Muhammad’s) commandment (i.e. his Sunnahlegal ways, orders, acts of worship, statements) (among the sects) beware, lest some Fitnah (disbelief, trials, afflictions, earthquakes, killing, overpowered by a tyrant) should befall them or a painful torment be inflicted on them”
[al-Noor 24:63]
Ibn Katheer (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in his commentary: “Let those who go against the command of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), which is his way, his path, his Sunnah and his sharee’ah, beware, Words and deeds will be weighed against his words and deeds; whatever is in accordance with them will be accepted, and whatever goes against them will be rejected and thrown back at the one who says or does them, no matter who he is, as it was proven inal-Saheehaynand elsewhere that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘Whoever does an action that is not part of this matter of ours [Islam] will have it rejected.’ And let the one who goes against the sharee’ah of the Messenger whether inwardly or outwardly beware ‘lest some Fitnah (disbelief, trials, afflictions, etc) should befall them’ i.e., lest their hearts be afflicted with kufr, hypocrisy or bid’ah, ‘or a painful torment be inflicted on them’ i.e., in this world by means of killing, a hadd punishment, imprisonment and the like.”
The deceased does not need any of the living to comfort him, because he is preoccupied with his own reckoning and being rewarded or punished for his deeds, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) explained in the lengthy hadeeth of al-Baraa’ ibn ‘Aazib:
“When the believing slave is about to depart this world and enter the Hereafter, there come down to him from heaven angels with white faces like the sun, and they sit around him as far as the eye can see. They bring with them shrouds from Paradise and perfumes from Paradise. Then the Angel of Death comes and sits by his head, and he says, ‘O good soul, come forth to forgiveness from Allaah and His pleasure.’ Then it comes out easily like a drop of water from the mouth of a waterskin. When he seizes it, they do not leave it in his hand for an instant before they take it and put it in that shroud with that perfume, and there comes from it a fragrance like the finest musk on the face of the earth. Then they ascend and they do not pass by any group of angels but they say, ‘Who is this good soul?’ and they say, ‘It is So and so the son of So and so, calling him by the best names by which he was known in this world, until they reach the lowest heaven. They ask for it to be opened to them and it is opened, and (the soul) is welcomed and accompanied to the next heaven by those who are closest to Allaah, until they reach the seventh heaven. Then Allaah says: ‘Record the book of My slave in ‘Illiyoon in the seventh heaven, and return him to the earth, for from it I created them, to it I will return them and from it I will bring them forth once again.’ So his soul is returned to his body and there come to him two angels who make him sit up and they say to him, ‘Who is your Lord?’ He says, ‘Allaah.’ They say, ‘What is your religion?’ He says, ‘My religion is Islam.’ They say, ‘Who is this man who was sent among you?’ He says, ‘He is the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him).’ They say, ‘What did you do?’ He says, ‘I read the Book of Allaah and I believed in it.’ Then a voice calls out from heaven, ‘My slave has spoken the truth, so prepare for him a bed from Paradise and clothe him from Paradise, and open for him a gate to Paradise.’ Then there comes to him some of its fragrance, and his grave is made wide, as far as he can see. Then there comes to him a man with a handsome face and handsome clothes, and a good fragrance, who says, ‘Receive the glad tidings that will bring you joy this day.’ He says, ‘Who are you? Your face is a face which brings glad tidings.’ He says, ‘I am your righteous deeds.’ He says, ‘O Lord, hasten the Hour so that I may return to my family and my wealth.’”
And he said:
“But when the disbelieving slave is about to depart this world and enter the Hereafter, there come down to him from heaven angels with black faces, bringing sackcloth, and they sit around him as far as the eye can see. Then the Angel of Death comes and sits by his head, and he says, ‘O evil soul, come forth to the wrath of Allaah and His anger.’ Then his soul disperses inside his body, then comes out cutting the veins and nerves, like a skewer passing through wet wool. When he seizes it, they do not leave it in his hand for an instant before they take it and put it in that sackcloth, and there comes from it a stench like the foulest stench of a dead body on the face of the earth. Then they ascend and they do not pass by any group of angels but they say, ‘Who is this evil soul?’ and they say, ‘It is So and so the son of So and so, calling him by the worst names by which he was known in this world, until they reach the lowest heaven. They ask for it to be opened to them and it is not opened.” Then the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) recited (interpretation of the meaning):
“for them the gates of heaven will not be opened, and they will not enter Paradise until the camel goes through the eye of the needle”
[al-A’raaf 7:40]
He said: “Then Allaah says, ‘Record the book of My slave in Sijjeen in the lowest earth, and return him to the earth, for from it I created them, to it I will return them and from it I will bring them forth once again.’ So his soul is cast down.” Then the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) recited the verse (interpretation of the meaning):
“and whoever assigns partners to Allaah, it is as if he had fallen from the sky, and the birds had snatched him, or the wind had thrown him to a far off place”
[al-Hajj 22:31]
He said: “Then his soul is returned to his body, and there come to him two angels who make him sit up and they say to him, ‘Who is your Lord?’ He says, ‘Oh, oh, I don’t know.’ They say, ‘What is your religion?’ He says, ‘Oh, oh, I don’t know.’ Then a voice calls out from heaven, ‘Prepare for him a bed from Hell and clothe him from Hell, and open for him a gate to Hell.’ Then there comes to him some of its heat and hot winds, and his grave is constricted and compresses him until his ribs interlock. Then there comes to him a man with an ugly face and ugly clothes, and a foul stench, who says, ‘Receive the bad news, this is the day that you were promised.’ He says, ‘Who are you? Your face is a face which forebodes evil.’ He says, ‘I am your evil deeds.’ He says, ‘O Lord, do not let the Hour come.’”
Narrated by Ahmad, 18557; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani inSaheeh al-Jaami’, no. 1676
And Allaah knows best.

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