|-:__:-| NajimudeeN M - INDIA |-:__:-|: Islamic Stories, - Muhammad Ali's adviceto his dau...
|-:__:-| NajimudeeN M - INDIA |-:__:-|: Islamic Stories, - Muhammad Ali's adviceto his dau...: The following incident took place when Muhammad Ali's daughters
arrived at his home wearing clothes that were not modest. Here is the
...
arrived at his home wearing clothes that were not modest. Here is the
...
Youth, - Advice to women regarding marriage – II
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What to do upon receiving a proposal:The young woman should pray Istikhaarah )i.e., the Prayer of Guidance( and not to ask others to pray it on her behalf, as some women do, as this is a baseless act and an innovation in the religion. Furthermore, she should seek the advice of trustworthy people and inquire about the person.
Imaam Ahmad, may Allaah have mercy upon him, reported the story of Julaybeeb, may Allaah be pleased with him, who was sent by the Prophet sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam to one of the families of the Ansaar )i.e., the residents of Madeenah( to give him their daughter in marriage. Julaybeeb, may Allaah be pleased with him, was very impoverished and so the young woman's mother reused the offer, but the young woman spoke out and agreed to marry him because he was sent to her by the Prophet sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam himself. The result was that she never suffered in any way, and that there was no other woman of the Ansaar who was wealthier than her. This is because Julaybeeb, may Allaah be pleased with him, was killed in the very next battle that occurred after his marriage, having killed seven disbelievers in it. Upon finding his body, the Prophet sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam carried him and buried him with his own hands. He sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam also supplicated for the widow, saying:“O Allaah! Pour Your blessings upon her and do not make her suffer in life.”It was due to this supplication that she never suffered, in any way, and that there was no woman from the Ansaar wealthier than her.
If the man proposing wishes that his future wife give up her studies or job after marriage, and he is a suitable man, then this should not hamper the marriage. Also, if the man finds such a young woman to be a suitable one, he should not reconsider marrying her due to this, as he could marry her and then convince her after marriage to give it up.
Similarly, the family and the young woman should not refuse a proposal from a man due to him having children from a previous marriage.
Some young women overlook certain matters, such as the man's looks and wealth, only to have misgivings and regret their decision later. Therefore, the young woman should be absolutely sure before giving her approval and be honest with herself when she makes her decision. Moreover, she should be content with him based on religious convictions. Some women always advise their friends regarding the matter of being a second wife, stating that it is an integral part of Islaam and that they should not refuse a man simply because he is already married; however, when they themselves get married as second wives, they act very differently to the advice they gave others, due to their covetousness.
The young woman should be a facilitating factor in her marriage; she should, for example, refuse to set unbearable conditions or a high dowry, but if her family insists, then she should nominally agree and then relieve her husband of such difficulties later on.
Some women behave arrogantly towards their husbands due to holding advanced degrees, having a noble lineage, the wealth of their families, or their beauty. The result of this arrogance is that they act rebelliously towards their husbands and thus acquire sin.
Fears of some young women in the process of marriage:
Some young women fear the imminent loss of their close friends and sisters due to their impending marriage. This may cause them to hate the future husband, perhaps causing them, prior to the wedding night, to go as far as to seek to annul the marriage contract.
This could happen for many reasons, such as:
Improperly assessing the consequences of such actions.
Having an irresponsible and reckless attitude.
Favouring the joy of the short term over the long term one of having children and the establishment of a happy marital life.
Also, the husband should not deprive his wife of her female friends and relatives. The Prophet, sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam, would allow the female friends of ‘Aa’ishah, may Allaah be pleased with her, to visit her.
When a young woman is being proposed to, she should educate herself about the rulings of marriage, the rights of the husband, the rights of the wife, and how to live in kindness and harmony with her spouse. On the other hand, she should not concern herself with studying the sexual aspects of marital life until the marriage contract is completed.
The wife's role in her home:
This is to serve her husband, bear, nurse, and nurture his children, and be a housewife.
If a woman is used to being immersed in the study and propagation of Islaam, and then marries whilst not clearly having in mind a role as a wife, she may begin feeling, very shortly after marriage, that her new role as a wife is a trivial one. This may cause her to begin leaving her house to resume her former lifestyle. It is vital, however, that she understand her role and obligation as a wife and the reward of fulfilling them. Anas, may Allaah be pleased with him, reported that the Prophet sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam said:“If a woman prays her five daily prayers, fasts her month )i.e. the month of Ramadan(, guards her private parts and obeys her husband, she will enter Paradise from any of its gates that she wishes.”]Abu Nu’aym[
The married woman must persevere through the hardships of pregnancy, pre-delivery contractions and the agony of the delivery itself. Some women refuse to go through such hardships and take birth control pills to prevent pregnancy, or, if they do get pregnant, prefer a caesarean section over a normal delivery.
‘Amr Ibn Hijr, may Allaah have mercy upon him, married Kindah Bint ‘Awf Ash-Shaybaani, may Allaah have mercy upon her. On her wedding night, her mother, Umaamah Bint Al-Haarith, may Allaah be pleased with her, took her aside and advised her: “Dear daughter! You are leaving the environment which you are accustomed to and departing from the place you grew up in to a partner whom you are unfamiliar with. If a woman had no need of a husband due to her parents sufficing her, then you would be the last person to require a husband, but women were created to be the partners of men, and men were created to be the partners of women. Act like his slave, and he will become like your slave. Uphold the following ten matters and you will find them to be provisions: The first and second are to be content with what he provides and to listen to and obey him. The third and the fourth are to make sure that all he sees and smells from you are pleasing to him, so he should not see you in a displeasing appearance, nor smell anything but a fine fragrance from you. The fifth and the sixth are to comfort him in his sleep and food, because repeated hunger and lack of sleep will enflame his anger. The seventh and the eighth are to protect his wealth and take care of his children; the focal point regarding wealth is to have good judgement in spending it, and that regarding the children is to properly nurture them. The ninth and the tenth are to not disobey his commands or disclose his secrets, because when you disobey him you intimidate him, and if you disclose his secrets you would not know what he may do to you. Do not be joyful in front of him when he is upset, or express sadness if he is happy."
‘Abdullaah Ibn Ja’far, may Allaah have mercy upon him, addressed his daughter saying: “Avoid jealousy, as it is the key to your divorce; avoid complaint, as it instigates anger; adorn yourself for him, and make sure you wash away any bad odours by frequent bathing.”
Pre-marital errors on the part of women:
Freely talking to males on the telephone and being open with male relatives.
Being over confident and rejecting many of those who propose.
Not differentiating between wisdom and fast rejection.
Not having the criterion by which to judge the proposing person clearly in mind.
Finally, many young women wish to get married but they waste their time daydreaming and wishfully thinking about the ideal husband. This is all fruitless; the best way for them to attain a good husband would be to busy themselves in supplicating to Allaah to provide such a person.
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NajimudeeN M
Youth, - Advice to women regarding marriage – I
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Abu Hurayrah, may Allaah be pleased with him, reported that the Prophet sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam said:“If a man whose religious commitment and moral conduct you approve of proposes for marriage to your daughter, then marry her to him; otherwise, trials will prevail and great corruption will spread upon the earth.”]At-Tirmithi & Ibn Maajah[ Imaam As-Sindi, may Allaah have mercy upon him, commented upon this narration, saying: “A person’s religious commitment assures fulfilling his obligations, and his good moral conduct assures his kind treatment of others.”The spread of corruption and evil is the natural result of people refusing to marry their daughters off to men whose religious practice and morals are good, preferring instead to delay and marry them to those with more wealth, or from a more honourable lineage. This results in many young men and women remaining unmarried, which causes fornication to prevail, immorality to overwhelm, and chastity to vanish.
Imaam At-Teebi, may Allaah have mercy upon him, said: “This narration supports the ruling of Imaam Maalik over the others, in which he )i.e. Maalik( said that competence for marriage should be based only on religious commitment and moral conduct.”
Some scholars have stated that if the guardian repeatedly rejects men who propose for marriage to his daughter for no legitimate Islamic reason, then this could nullify his guardianship over her.
Some women set impossible conditions for future husbands, such as him memorising the entire Quran as well as the Hadeeth collections of Al-Bukhaari, Muslim and so on. Moreover, some of them may even go as far as to demand a man whose character is like that of Imaam Al-Bukhaari, may Allaah have mercy upon him.
This is totally incorrect; all a man has to meet are the two conditions set in the abovementioned narration; namely, religious commitment and a high moral character.
How can pious men and women be brought together in marriage?
The righteous men and women in the community should play a strong role in this. For example, the wife could become a contact for the women and the husband for the men. The young women should not give up the condition of the man being religious on the pretext that they will work on him and transform him to a pious man after marriage, unless the man is known to adhere, in general, to his Islamic obligations, as well as having noble morals and shunning sins. In such a case, he may be a candidate worth considering.
People’s stance when asked about the man proposing:
Some people, when asked about a man who is proposing to their daughter, give general answers and avoid being precise. They say things like: ‘He is a nice man’, ‘He is a kind person’, ‘His father is a good man and his grandfather was religious’, ‘Much good is expected from him and he is handsome’, ‘He is polite and wealthy’ and so on. It is after the marriage takes place that the bitter reality surfaces and the young woman come to know him for who he really is, only after it is too late.
Others conceal the faults of the proposing man when asked about him due to the fear of him, or what he may do if he found out, or because they think that to do otherwise would be to backbite; but the Prophet sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam said, when asked by Faatimah Bint Qays, may Allaah be pleased with her, about two Companions, may Allaah be pleased with them, who had proposed marriage to her:“Abu Jahm is a man who never lowers his stick )i.e. he beats his wives(, and as for Abu Sufyaan, he is extremely poor and possesses no wealth.”She said: “I like neither of them” The Prophet sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam said:“Marry Usaamah Bin Zayd”So she married him and Allaah blessed their marriage, granting her a joyful life.
The one being asked should clarify everything he knows about the person who is proposing without exaggeration, and should fear Allaah regarding what he says. He should mention his merits as well as his faults; he should mention only that which he is certain of and act as if the young woman is his own daughter or sister. This is because marriage is a long term commitment and not an interim one. Marriage is a relationship that is meant to last until the grave, unless there is a valid reason to end it; and divorce frequently occurs when people marry their daughter to a person whom they do not know well enough.
The behaviour of some young women who seek marriage:
Some young women offer themselves in marriage to young men over the telephone, which is disastrous as the man may be a sinner, and some sins are more lethal than others. For example, if the man deals in Ribaa )i.e. interest or usury( then his and his family’s provision, food, drinks and clothing will be ill-gotten. Moreover, even a sinner would not typically marry a woman who offers herself to him on the telephone. He may play around with her for a while, but when he is serious in his search for a wife, he will seek a chaste and well-mannered woman. A man who had such a friend was amazed at seeing him marrying a young woman who was fully adherent to the Hijaab; upon asking why he did so, the friend replied: “I wish to marry a woman whom I would be sure of not finding in bed with another man upon returning home one day." This is how men perceive young women who freely and easily talk to them on the telephone.
The young woman and her family or guardian must investigate the man who is proposing to her so that they can discover whether or not he is putting on an act in order to appear as if he is a committed Muslim.
Histories:
It is not a condition for either of them to inform the other of their previous sins, especially if they have sincerely repented and then adhered to piety.
The vitalness of transparency:
It is very important that both the man and the woman are clear with one another from the very beginning and agree on everything before the contract is finalised.
If the family refuses the proposing man to see the daughter, then he should, at the very least, get a clear description of her.
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NajimudeeN MYouth, - Youth loved by Allaah - II
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Voluntary acts of worship means:They areSunnah)Prophetic tradition(, recommended and voluntary acts of worship.
An example of the first category is the “Fixed voluntary prayers”:
They are tenRak‘ahs)units of prayer( if the person is not travelling. It is narrated that the Messenger of Allaah,sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam,used to observe them. ‘Abdullaah ibn ‘Umar, may Allaah be pleased with him, said,“I remember ten Rak‘ahs )of voluntary prayers( from the Prophet, two Rak‘ahs before the Thuhr )Noon( prayer and two after it; two Rak‘ahs after Maghrib )Sunset( prayer in his house, and two Rak‘ahs after ‘Ishaa’ )Night( prayer in his house, and two Rak‘ahs before the Fajr )Dawn( prayer.”]Al-Bukhaari[
The Prophet,sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, used to pray fourRak‘ahsbeforeThuhr. ‘Aa’ishah, may Allaah be pleased with her, narrated that the Messenger of Allaah,sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, did not leave the fourRak‘ahsbeforeThuhr.
The Prophet,sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:“Whoever observes twelve voluntary Rak‘ahs in a day and night, a house will be built for him in Paradise.”]Muslim[
One of the voluntary prayers that the Prophet,sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam,used to observe isAl-Witr. He did not use to miss it and the voluntaryFajrprayer either when traveling or residing at home. He commanded and said:“Let the Witr be the last prayer you offer )at night(.”]Al-Bukhaari[
The second category )recommended acts of worship(:
This is like theDhuha)forenoon( prayer. About its virtue, Abu Tharr, may Allaah be pleased with him, said that the Prophet,sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:“When you get up in the morning, charity is due from every one of your joints. There is charity in every ascription of glory to Allaah )saying Subhaan Allaah(; there is charity in every declaration of His Greatness )saying Allaahu Akbar(; there is charity in every utterance of His praise )saying Alhamdulillaah(; there is charity in every declaration that none is truly worthy of worship but Him )saying Laa Ilaaha illa Allaah(; there is charity in enjoining good; there is charity in forbidding evil; and two Rak‘ahs of Dhuha )Forenoon prayer( is equal to all this )in reward(.”]Muslim[
The third category )voluntary acts of worship(:
It is the voluntary and extra acts of worship like offering twoRak‘ahsbeforeMaghribprayer. ‘Abdullaah Al-Muzani, may Allaah be pleased with him, said that the Prophet,sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:“Perform two Rak‘ahs before Maghrib prayer.”He, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, repeated it twice; when repeating it for the third time he added:“Whoever may so wish.”]Al-Bukhaari[ He concluded this order with this sentence out of fearing that people may take it as a fixed voluntary prayer.
Taraaweehprayer wherein we perceive the fragrance of the blessed month ofRamadanis under this category. It is offered inRamadan, the month of mercy which is full with spirituality that makes the person ready to live in the atmosphere of this prayer.
A moment with Qiyaam Al-Layl prayer:
It is, by Allaah, the precious moments where tears fall. It is purity for the self and its ascension to its Lord. It diffuses tranquility and peacefulness in the heart. Through it, you renew the custom of the righteous predecessors. Allaah The Almighty Says )what means(:}They used to sleep but little of the night{]Quran 51:17[ Through it, you will share with the firm young believers of today the sweetness of this worship.
The preoccupations of life and its luring temptations push many young people towards the spring of clarity where they drink sweet water refining their souls and easing their minds and bodies. This spring can be found in the dead of night, in the depths of silence where the calls ofAthaanare raised filling us with longing to stand up to pray at night with strong determination.
You should seize the chance and train yourself to perform voluntary night prayer in order to revive your night.
Come to virtue!
To talk about the virtues of theseSunanand recommended acts of worship, we need many pages. However, I will bring you a bunch of flowers and ripe fruits from its delightful garden to stir you and rekindle your faith:
Abu Hurayrah, may Allaah be pleased with him, said that the Prophet,sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:“The most excellent fasting after the month of Ramadan is the fasting of the month of Allaah Al-Muharram. The most excellent prayer after the obligatory prayer is the voluntary night prayer.”]Muslim[
‘Abdullaah ibn ‘Umar, may Allaah be pleased with him, said that the Prophet,sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:“Let Witr be your last prayer to be offered at night.”]Al-Bukhaari and Muslim[
‘Aa’ishah, may Allaah be pleased with her, said,“The Messenger of Allaah, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, used to pray eleven Rak‘ahs at night in the period between ‘Ishaa’ prayer and Fajr prayer. He used to end the prayer after every two Rak‘ahs observing the Witr with a single Rak‘ah.”]Muslim[
If you, young people, continue to establish your lives by observing obligatory acts of worship and then enrich your lives with performing voluntary acts of worship, you will move from the rank and degree of loving to the degree of being loved and will become youth that are beloved by Allaah The Almighty. How excellent is a young man who walks on the earth while he is beloved by Allaah above the heavens. It is a real joy and pleasure indeed on the day of much grief and many regrets. So, hasten to do good deeds with a sound pure heart because hastiness is praised in this regard and it is a sign of those who are guided. Ibn Al-Qayyim, may Allaah have mercy upon him, indicated this in his bookTareeq Al-Hijratayn:
The concern of the one who is foremost in good deeds is to gain profits and to load items of trade because of his knowledge with the profits to be. He sees that it is loss to save something he has without trading with it. He finds his profits on the day when traders are joyful with their profits. As a trader, he knows that there is a country before him where one dirham can gain ten dirhams up to seven hundred and more. He knows well the road to this land and its traders. If he can sell his clothes and all that he owns to prepare himself to trade in this country, he will do so. This is the example of the person who is foremost in good deeds by the permission of his Lord. He sees that it is a true loss to let time pass without trading.
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