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We all have stress and burdens in our daily lives. Whether it is school or work or just the trials of life, we carry much on our shoulders. Some of us carry our own loads and some of us carry loads that we share with others, such as health problems, personal family issues, financial dilemmas, marital discord, employment troubles, and the list could go on. These burdens that we bear can be heavy. In fact, most of us may say that at one time or another, these burdens are too hard to bear.
But, in Chapter two ]Quran 2[, Allaah Almighty promises us that we will never have to carry a burden that is greater than what we can bear. So why do we feel then that the burden is too heavy for us to carry? Why do we feel as if we had the weight of the entire world on our shoulders and as if we had more than our share of worries and woes?
We feel this way not because of the weight of the burden, but rather the way we carry it.
Bend at the knees
When we physically carry heavy loads in our arms, we are always told to `bend at the knees' to avoid breaking our backs and injuring our necks. There is great wisdom in ensuring that something is sincerely done in our own best interest, and not just done as a task that we want to get rid of. Likewise, a burden that is carried with little or no care or concern for our own well-being does not make much sense. In a short amount of time, one would `burn out' and be of much less use to the same people that we were intending to help in the first place. So, a burden carried on our shoulders should be carried with care as well, otherwise it could similarly become a `pain in the neck'. In other words, a burden on its own is not such a pain but a mere responsibility; but a burden that is not carried well becomes a pain, a hassle that one harbors reluctantly.
No matter how heavy our burden is, if we carry it with confidence and self respect, we can handle the weight of it and carry it to fruition or to the point that it needs to be carried.
Sometimes, this weight that we carry is for a short period and sometimes it is for a long period; whatever the duration, our attitude determines in large part the outcome. The way that we handle any situation determines how that situation can end. Think about many of the burdens that you may have in your life at this very moment. The way you see them can have a huge impact on the way they affect your life. If you think they are enormous, then you tend to visualize them as such.
If you imagine that it is the end of the world, you would probably feel as if the world was about to come crashing down on you.
Instead, if we can remember at times like this that there is no such thing as a burden too great, we can take a deep breath and remind ourselves that we can handle it. We have to remember that Allaah Almighty Knows what we can handle. After all, He Almighty created us and thus Knows better than anyone else what we can and cannot handle.
Pulling our own weight
In remembering this, it would be better for us to handle our responsibilities not with complaints and grouchiness but with self-restraint and grace. The burdens placed on our shoulders should not weigh us down to the point of immobility. Instead, we can think of them as challenges that we can learn to face and overcome. The reality is that, no matter how bad the situation is, there is always someone out there whose situation is harder than ours. Maybe we can't see that person when we need to, but we need to know that this reality exists and that our own burdens are meant for us. The burden of other people could be much worse.
All of the burdens that we have are a test from Allaah Almighty—we know that already. What we sometimes forget is how to handle those burdens. Usually, we complain about everything that is ‘going wrong’ in our lives. If we can change our perspective and balance those burdens with a stronger back and with a more positive attitude, we will see that the burden is not as heavy as the reward for being grateful for those things that we have in our lives that are going well.
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NajimudeeN M
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Since the beginning of time, someone else has been controlling your time, or rather your timeliness. When we were younger, our parents determined when we got to school and how early or late we were. They helped us to dress and get ready, and we were under their control.
Then, as we got older, we gained some of our own independence, but then, many women get married and then their control over their time is not their own again.
The hours in their day are not necessarily their own. Whether it is reporting to work by a certain time, dropping kids off to school by a certain time, or even preparing breakfast for yourself and hubby before you and he go off to work, all this requires you to have something done by a certain time. This requires punctuality.
One of the hardest habits in life to master seems to be punctuality. Many of us can juggle all that life throws our way, from jobs, to marriage, to kids, but when it comes to handling all of this in a timely manner, some of us fall short. Most of us remember being late to school as children, running around our homes looking for our homework or our shoes. Asking our moms where we put our jackets. Why were we always late? Then, we grew up and got to college or started working and still made it just in the nick of time, barely there before our boss could check the clock. Or we would slide into our college desks just as the professor began to lecture or pass out the test papers.
Why is that most of us are habitually late, not just for work or school, but in many other aspects of our lives?
More importantly, what can we do as women of the house for our families and for ourselves to break this cycle of perpetual procrastination and everlasting tardiness?
Practicing punctuality in practically everything
In everything we do, from the moment we rise, we should practice punctuality. Our priorities should incorporate timeliness and reliability in all aspects of our daily activities. Actually, there is probably little or nothing that doesn't require or could not benefit from our promptness.
Performing Responsibilities with Regularity
This is the most common area of procrastination in that this is where most of us are guilty. Sometimes, some of us develop over the years an "I'll do it later" attitude and we begin to procrastinate in our duties, from the small to the large ones. We begin to put off the laundry until it accumulates and spills over the basket; we allow the dishes to pile up in the sink and then get that sinking feeling in our stomachs as we are elbow deep days later in greasy dishwater. We are up late the night before a big test because we delay studying until the last minute; we can actually put off –anything and everything –all errands, all chores, all duties and responsibilities. But should we?
No, rather we should try to perform our duties as soon as possible. This is best for us in many ways.
1. We can get accomplished what needs to be done and get on with our other obligations.
2. We can do a better job by giving ourselves ample time.
3. We can set a good example for our families by showing them that we take our responsibilities seriously. If they see that we procrastinate, they may take that to mean neglect.
4. Promptness leads to consistency.
As the woman of the household, there are many responsibilities that rest on our shoulders. If we can avoid procrastination, we prevent that over-whelming burden of feeling as if we are always `falling behind' in our housework, in our schoolwork, in our errands, in everything that gets to be too much for us.
Punctuality in Worship
As Muslim women we cannot, however, let domestic responsibilities and duties as wife, mother, and even student or professional prevent us from worshipping Allaah punctually, at the right time and with the right intentions. This specifically refers to, but is by no means limited to, prayer. Performing our prayers at their appointed times and with conviction is essential to living life in the best possible way and setting the best example for our families.
One of the first things that we do in the morning and unquestionably the most important activity of the day is prayer, which not only benefits from punctuality but requires it. The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, was asked "What deed is most beloved by Allaah?; and he answered, “To offer each prayer as soon as it is due.”
Punctuality in performing the prayer means that we drop the dishes )not literally( to offer it when it is due, make sure to do it before we pick up the kids from school if possible, make it at the office if need be, make it at school; whenever its time is due, we must rise to offer it.
The prayer is not the only form of worship that benefits from punctuality: Duaa is a significant form of worship for which punctuality and timeliness is integral. Forms of Duaa like the Istikhaarah prayer and others for thankfulness and Tawbah should be offered at the right time for maximum benefit. Similarly, paying Zakaah is another form of worship for which timing could mean everything, especially for those whom the charity could benefit. For example, when we donate money at a fundraiser for a particular cause, the amount of money that we give at that particular time is imperative for that specific cause. We can make plans to give and donate, but if we do not actually do it when it matters, it does not count. The key is to do it and do it exactly when it can generate maximum benefit. For those in need, timing is everything.
Reliability in Relationships
Timing is key for relationships as well as worship. However, for some odd reason, people have the tendency to take relationships for granted. We make them and then assume that they will last; that they do not require any or much upkeep. As women though, we should know that this is not true and to maintain healthy and happy relationships with all who are close to us, we have to work at it regularly and consistently. This means that we have to be one step ahead of crises. Women know that emotions rage strong and can come between two people.
Therefore, it is imperative that we remain steadfast in our efforts to maintain our relationships to the extent that we desire. In other words, our relationships with our spouse, our parents, our children, our friends, and anyone who means anything to us require effort. In order for us to ensure that these relationships remain healthy, we have to be punctual in handling issues as they arise. Think about your most recent and significant disagreement you might have had with your spouse or parent or child. If you might have dealt with it immediately, could you have eliminated the problem or significantly decreased the problem? Maybe you and a friend had a little disagreement. You feel a bit annoyed and decide that it is better to not bring it up again, but of course, you still feel upset about the situation. You hesitate handling the situation immediately because you feel that it might just `wash over' and that it will be forgiven and forgotten soon enough. However, we all know that most women do not function that way.
Many people have too strong of a memory to forget anything until it has been worked through and talked through and true forgiveness has been reached.
Sometimes, women have a tendency of ignoring sticky situations that are emotionally charged; we are hesitant to deal with issues that negatively affect our relationships. However, this is dangerous in that it could prolong the inevitable and make a small problem worse. As is the case with most situations, procrastination is not such a great idea. On the contrary, punctuality is probably the best way to abate any long term crises. This is one of the reasons the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, gave so much advice against breaking off ties. For example, he said,"There should be no breaking off of ties, no turning away from one another, no hating one another, and no envying one another. Be brothers )and sisters(, as Allaah has commanded you."]Muslim[ Because anger may strike women )and of course men( at times of emotional weakness, Islam allows three days as a reasonable length of time during which anger may subside.
As difficult as it may seem, whether we are dealing with our chores, our personal worship, or with our relationships, it is best for us to deal with the situation as soon as possible and `nip it in the bud.'
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This is a very important and pressing question.
What is this mysterious illusion that prevents many Muslim women from abiding by the teachings of Islam and repenting of all apparent and hidden sins and fully adhering to the Sunnah )tradition( of the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam?
Dear sister, let us talk about this issue generally. What prevents many people from repenting and following the path of the believers?
Those people find repentance burdensome and think that abiding by the teachings of Islam is something difficult. All this is caused by the devil and the soul that is a persistent enjoiner of evil.
When you advise some people to repent, they say that this is extremely difficult for them. A smoker, for instance, says, “I have been smoking for twenty years. I intend to repent and give up smoking, but how can I do this after this poison has penetrated into my body to the extent that I cannot give it up?” Another man says, “I have been gazing at women since the first time I opened my eyes and started to see. How I can repent?” A third man may say, “How can I give up lying and tale bearing?” A fourth one might say, “All through my life, I have been giving people an imaginary image of myself and I cannot destroy this image now?”
In fact, those people know deep inside their hearts that they are mistaken, but they object and say daringly, “Observant people have made everything prohibited; cigarettes, intoxicants, music, and recreational drugs… all these things are prohibited…what is left for us?”
How can one have a dialogue with such people? How can you tell them that the prohibited matters are few and they are prohibited by Sharee‘ah )Islamic legislation(, not by the observant people, while the lawful matters cannot be counted.
Actually, we disregard the fact that we should live for Allaah The Almighty and according to His rules.
Abiding by the teachings of Islam should not be something difficult for us. For instance, we should not abstain from praying Fajr )Dawn prayer( because we are used to sleeping until noon. Is it not a loss that some people stay up all night and sleep all day? Allaah The Almighty Says )what means(:
„X}And We made the night as clothing. And made the day for livelihood{]Quran 78:10-11[
„X}What deity other than Allaah could bring you a night in which you may rest? Then will you not see?"{]Quran 28:72[
Night is for rest and you have changed this rest to noise and music and stayed up all night, so sleeping all day would not be sufficient for you. Try to accustom yourself to sleeping early and waking up early. The Mother of the Believers, ‘Aa’ishah, may Allaah be pleased with her, said, “I wonder how those who miss the Fajr Prayer get their sustenance…?” This is because sustenance is distributed after Fajr Prayer. You sleep and do not pray, but Allaah The Almighty grants you your sustenance…Are not you ashamed of yourself? You disobey Allaah The Almighty and He gives you a respite.
The question is:
How can we get rid of the feeling that it is difficult to repent and abide by the teachings of Islam?
The answer is that you have to do the following:
• Avoid procrastination:
You should repent immediately and without hesitation. To repent, you should not think before doing so and submit to Allaah The Almighty.
Some people, when you say to them, “Let’s pray ‘Asr )post-noon prayer(!”, they would say, “We will pray Istikhaarah )the prayer for guidance( first.” Why should they pray Istikhaarah?
You should repent now and without procrastination as repentance is an obligation.
Are you still thinking whether or not you should repent?
If you are doing so, you would be like the one who seeks the people’s opinion regarding the Legislation of Allaah The Almighty, in order to see whether it is true or not.
These are the ordinances of Allaah The Almighty and He has shown you the two ways, either to obey or disobey Him. What would you do?
You should know that the first solution for getting rid of the feeling that repentance and abidance by the Islamic teachings are difficult is to rid yourself of procrastination immediately and to correct your intention.
• Be truthful with Allaah The Almighty
If you are truthful with Allaah The Almighty, He will compensate you with what is better than what you have abandoned. For example, the woman who abandons intermixing with men for the sake of Allaah the Almighty, will be granted sustenance from where she does not expect. Allaah The Almighty Says )what means(:
„X}And I did not create the Jinn and mankind except to worship Me. I do not want from them any provision, nor do I want them to feed Me. Indeed, it is Allaah who is the ]continual[ Provider, the firm Possessor of strength.{]Quran 51:56-58[
„X}And in the heaven is your provision and whatever you are promised. Then by the Lord of the heaven and earth, indeed, it is truth -- just as ]sure as[ it is that you are speaking.{]Quran 51: 22-23[
„X}And there is no creature on earth but that upon Allaah is its provision, and He knows its place of dwelling and place of storage. All is in a clear register.{]Quran 11:6[
„X}And determined therein its ]creatures'[ sustenance{]Quran 41:10[
Are you afraid that Allaah The Almighty might leave you hungry?
Are you afraid that Allaah The Almighty might not grant you a husband?
Are you afraid that Allaah The Almighty might leave you insecure?
You should be truthful with Allaah The Almighty first of all. Be truthful with Allaah The Almighty so that He fulfills your wishes. Repent to Allaah The Almighty sincerely so that He drives all your worries away. Allaah The Almighty Says )what means(:}And whoever fears Allaah - He will make for him a way out.{]Quran 65: 2-3[
You should know that what Allaah The Almighty has cannot be obtained except by obeying Him.
• Renouncing reliance on any power or strength )save those of Allaah The Almighty(:
You should renounce reliance on any power or strength, seek the help of Allaah The Almighty alone and have good expectations of Him. In fact, anything that is difficult becomes easy by His Power. Thus, when one seeks the help of Allaah, He would help him. People’s hearts are between two fingers of Allaah . He can change the hearts of people as He likes. Allaah The Almighty can change your heart seemingly overnight to the extent that you might hate all sins suddenly. Renouncing reliance on any power or strength means leaving aside your power and strength, your determination and drive, and seeking the help of The King, The Omnipotent and The Subjugator.
Allaah The Almighty Says )what means(:}Said the eminent ones who were arrogant among his people, "We will surely evict you, O Shu‘ayb, and those who have believed with you from our city, or you must return to our religion." He said, "Even if we were unwilling?" We would have invented against Allaah a lie if we returned to your religion after Allaah had saved us from it. And it is not for us to return to it except that Allaah, our Lord, should will. Our Lord has encompassed all things in knowledge. Upon Allaah we have relied. Our Lord, decide between us and our people in truth, and You are the best of those who give decision."{]Quran 7:88-89[ Shu‘ayb, may Allaah exalt his mention, relied solely on Allaah The Almighty.
“Do whatever you want”, Nooh )Noah(, may Allaah exalt his mention, said in the Quran in the verse )what means(:}So resolve upon your plan and ]call upon[ your associates. Then let not your plan be obscure to you. Then carry it out upon me and do not give me respite.{]Quran 10:71[
Hood, may Allaah exalt his mention, said similar words in the verses )what mean(:}So plot against me all together; then do not give me respite. Indeed, I have relied upon Allaah, my Lord and your Lord.{]Quran 11:55-56[
As we said previously, our forelocks and the forelocks of our enemies are in the hands of Allaah The Almighty who does whatever He wants. Thus, you should deny your power and strength and feel that Allaah The Almighty is with you with His knowledge, power and strength as He Says )what means(:
„X}He is with you wherever you are.{]Quran 57:4[
„X}And when My servants ask you, ]O Muhammad[, concerning Me - indeed I am near.{]Quran 2:186[
The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:“Be mindful of Allaah and He will preserve you, and if you are mindful of Allaah you will find Him by your side.”]At-Tirmithi: Hasan Saheeh[
In order to feel that Allaah The Almighty is with you, try to contemplate and compare the following verses. Allaah The Almighty Says )what means(:
„X}Have you seen if he is upon guidance. Or enjoins righteousness? Have you seen if he denies and turns away -- does he not know that Allaah sees?{]Quran 96:11-14[
„X}They said, "Our Lord, indeed we are afraid that he will hasten ]punishment[ against us or that he will transgress." ]Allaah[ Said, "Fear not. Indeed, I Am with you both; I hear and I see.”{]Quran 20:45-46[
When comparing the two verses, we realize that}Does he not know that Allaah sees?{was mentioned as a threat for those who are disobedient. This verse means that Allaah The Almighty will punish you if you do not repent.
In the second group of verses, Allaah The Almighty Says )what means(:}"Fear not. Indeed, I am with you both; I hear and I see.”{This indicates the help of Allaah, His guidance and blessing.
O Muslims, adhere to the teachings of Islam and do not say that it is difficult to do so.
If you feel that repentance and adhering to the Sunnah of the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, are burdensome, drive procrastination away, be truthful with Allaah The Almighty and rely on Him and you will find that easy and find it difficult to follow your own desires.
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