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Question
My husband and I have had many problems in the past about him gambling and drug use, which leads to him never being of home. I have left him to stay with my mum about 6-7 times and he refuses to stop, we have a 3yr old daughter together, and many people, including his parents, have told him to stop this behavior but he will not. He doesn't pray or fast and is not good to his family. I have recently moved back to my mum's house to stay, and I told him that I do not want to move back with him again. I told him that I want our marriage to end and that I want a divorce from him, but he will not accept this. He says no, that he loves me. I don't feel that I love him anymore. He has put me through so much; I can't give him another chance. What can I do? Is there anyway to divorce him in the Islamic way without him. I don't know what to do. I don't stop him from seeing his daughter; he is welcome anytime. Please advise me on what I should do or say. May Allah reward you.
Answer
Praise be to Allah, the Lord of the Worlds; and may His blessings and peace be upon our Prophet Muhammad and upon all his Family and Companions.
No doubt all that you have mentioned about your husband such as neglecting prayers, fasting, indulging in gambling etc., all are major sins. We ask Allah to grant him the guidance.
We advise you to continue advising him, asking Allah to guide him and requesting knowledgeable people as well to exhort him, probably he will return to the right path.
If he continues on his sins, you should take divorce. If he is not ready to divorce you then you should take Khula )divorce by giving him some money or something else.( If he does not agree to Khula then you should sue him in an Islamic Court there; otherwise consult an Islamic Centre or a Muslim organization in your area. They will take care of the matter and help you, Insha Allah.
Allah knows best.
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NajimudeeN M
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Question
I am asking on behalf of a friend who would like to know if a woman is really unhappy in her marriage and her husband is not practicing Muslim and is doing all wrong things which affect her and her children has she the right to get a divorce. She has tried and tried to make it work by asking him to follow Allah's rules but he chooses his bad friends. He is born Muslim and she is convert. The latest thing being he came home and told her that he kissed one of his males friends for a bet, which is totally Haram. He mixes, is always out with friends while she is left with on her own. She does not want to get a divorce, but she would like to know, as he would not divorce her, if the situation got to terrible would she be able to get one. Hopefully, you will be able to give her some advice on this issue.
Answer
Praise be to Allah, the Lord of the Worlds; and may His blessings and peace be upon our Prophet Muhammad and upon all his Family and Companions.
Islam insists that marital life should remain strong and united. That's why there is a severe threat for a woman who asks for a divorce without a sound religious reason.
The prophet )Sallalahu Alaihi Wa Sallam( said:"Any woman who asks her husband to divorce her without any harm,Paradisewill be forbidden for her."
Divorce is the last cure in Islam. It should take place only if the continuation of marital life on suitable terms is no longer possible.
Therefore, it would be more appropriate for your friend to try to reconcile with her husband and she has to advise him in good manner with soft words, choosing the appropriate time when he is relaxed and can concentrate. She has to remind him about Allah, and the rights of his children on him, regarding their education and care, and providing for them with Halal money. She has to supplicate to Allah as much as possible to guide him, )may Allah bring him back to righteousness.(
However, if he still persists in wrong doing, and she definitely thinks that if she stays with him she and her children will be more harmed than benefited in their marital life, then she can ask him to divorce her, and there is no harm on her and she is not affected by the threat stated in the Hadith mentioned above, because she asks for a divorce because she is harmed.
If he divorces her, then this is what is required, if not she can take her case to a Muslim judge, if any, or to the Muslims in the country where she lives to study her case and decide what is best.
Allah knows best.
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Question
I would like to ask a question on a strange situation a couple who had been married for 4 months, had a huge argument and the husband leaves and they don't communicate with each other at all for 2 years accept on a few occasions, the form of contact was telephone conversations trying to solve the problem, the lady tries to get back with the husband to try and make a new start the man refuses, there is still lots of hate and anger...there is also a child who is 1 year old coming onto 2, the lady had asked for a divorce, the man refuses, the lady wants a divorce because she wants to be able to move on and get married, the man says to her you either pay me $10,000 or give me my boy back and I will give you a divorce, also when the lady had the baby her husband wasn't around he had been gone for some time by then, she called him and told him she is going to have a baby he didn't come back. And when she had it she asked him 2 at least come and visit he also refused… until the lady asked for a divorce he started asking for him back but not just to visit to keep and likely not let her see him, the lady doesn't have the money and will not give up the boy...can she divorce without the man?...can she remarry?...how do u solve the situation? The man is being very stubborn and arrogant so there is no way 2 compromises the lady cant just be trapped 4 the rest of her life in this or can she?
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammadis His slave and Messenger.
Islam urged the husband and wife to have good marital relations. Allaah says )interpretation of the meaning(: }…And live with them honourably…{]4:19[.
The Prophetalso advised us to treat our wives well as he said: "Treat women kindly." ]Al-Bukhaari and Muslim[
However, it is very rare for martial life to be free from problems. But one should be wise in solving them, and learn from the guidance of the Prophetand his companionsin this matter.
We advise this wife to seek reconciliation, by appointing some of the wise men from her family and some from his family to look into the matter, may Allaah enable them to reconcile between them. Allaah says )interpretation of the meaning(: }If you fear a breach between them twain )the man and his wife(, appoint )two( arbitrators, one from his family and the other from her's; if they both wish for peace, Allaah will cause their reconciliation….{]4:35[.
It is not permissible for this husband to leave his wife in this suspended condition. She is not a widow and at the same time she does not have a husband. So he should either keep her and live with her honourably, or divorce her. If he does not do one of the above options, then it is permissible for her to take her matter to the Islamic court, if any, or to the Muslim community in case there is no Islamic court of Justice.
It is also not permissible for this husband to harm his wife by demanding that she gives to him a ransom without a sound religious reason. This is a kind of transgression; Allaah says )interpretation of the meaning(: }…and you should not treat them with harshness, that you may take away part of the dowry you have given them, unless they commit open illegal sexual intercourse….{]4:19[.
Moreover, it is not permissible for the wife to accept his demand; she should take the matter to whoever would be able to take her right from him.
As regards the fostering of the children, in principle it is the right of the mother if there is no deterrent, because in case of deterrence, the fostering of the children will be transmitted to whoever is more appropriate for it according to the classification mentioned by the Islamic Jurists.
There is no harm for this woman to remarry after her husband divorces her, or after the Muslim community, or the judge divorces her from him.
Anyway these issues are controversial, therefore, it is more appropriate to take the matter to an Islamic Court, if any, otherwise to an Islamic Centre or Islamic Foundation in order to hear from both parties and study all the aspects of the issue and its circumstances which would affect the ruling.
Allaah knows best.
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