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Question
I married my husband 10 years ago after 5 years of innocent love, the very first day of marriage he became a completely different personality, but I couldn't tell anybody because my family did not want me to marry him at the first place because of social differences. Anyway, I accepted everything he did and fulfill all his need even by doing some forbidden acts to make him happy. I did what I did and I forget about my God. However, this did not make me better and I could not prevent him from other women relations. He was never a helpful or understandable husband and he never took care of the children. But things kept getting worth until I found out the he remarried another one secretly in less than 4 years marriage although he never fulfill my sexual needs when I was an only wife. He had no reason for remarriage but this is not it, our life has transformed to a hill. He kept treating me very badly, threaten me, hitting and finally sue me on court over some financial assets I owe claiming that it was his and he never really has any intention to give to me but he had the intention to lie. It has been more than 5 years now he does not want to give me divorce at the beginning of his second marriage he left me more than a 18 months and than came back home, some nights and rape me very aggressively, he drinks alcohol very badly. He is addicted. His mode is uncontrollable, he watches sexual movies every day and he often get errection with his hand - I do not know why - while he has 2 wives! He is Faz el kalb and now I fear about my children to be like him. He doesn't want to be a normal husband or father nor to divorce me. The atmosphere in the house is no good for them. I went to visit my brother in theUSlast year and we decided that I should never get back to him. What can I do? If I go back to him, he will force me to drink with him and does forbidden sexual intercourse.
I do not want to go back to this terrible life. And I know myself I can't tell him no even with things that forbidden. I ask Allaah for forgiveness and I feel so clean now. Please advise. Can I get divorce from theUS? I am aUScitizen but I married him in our home country.
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammadis His slave and Messenger.
Dear sister, we feel deep sorrow after reading your story. It is apparent that your husband neither fears Allaah nor does he respect the rights of his wife and children as understood from the given details in your question.
As you know all good and happiness lies in following the commands of Allaah and abiding by the rulings of Islam. Woe and destruction are for those who transgress the limits of Allaah and His Prophet.
Now we advise you to repent sincerely from all the sins you have committed even if the purpose was only to please your husband. First priority should be given to pleasing Allaah and observing His commands above anything else.
If there is any chance to change your husband so that he turns away from alcohol, pornography, behaving poorly with you, etc., and fulfils the rights of his Lord and his wife then it is better to continue living with him.
However, if the disagreement reaches the point where all the doors of a peaceful solution are blocked and no room is left to continue married life, then you may resort to divorce as a last solution. For details, read Fatwa: 85034.
If he does not want to divorce you then you may get the divorce from Muslim authorities.
Allaah knows best.
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NajimudeeN M
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Question
I need an advice. I converted to Islam 4 years ago Al-hamdulillah. I married who I thought was a strong Muslim man. Turn's out he is extremely weak, he drinks, he doesn't pray. My problem firstly is the fact that 3 months after he had left his first wife he then in turns goes back home to her, and without discussing it with me. I have dealt with a lot from this man. I am still till this day a faithful Muslimah and have prayed for this man to change his ways. Even though I love him, I know he isn't changing his ways. Can I ask him for a divorce? I don't think he cares one way or the other anyway. Oh he had a child with this woman 16 months ago. She knows we are marred. She objects as loudly as I do. Next to the questions above this man has taken away most all my rights as it is. He comes to our home maybe once in 2 to 3 weeks, no financial help with the 3 children and myself. What to do? Is it valid or not?
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammadis His slave and Messenger.
First of all, we congratulate you upon embracing Islam and we ask Allaah to make you firm and steadfast on this religion until the day you meet Him.
If your husband is as you have stated in your question that he does not pray and he consumes intoxicants, then the least that can be said about him is that he is a dissolute person as both these sins are great major sins. This is so because some scholarsare of the view that a person who abandons the prayer goes out of the fold of Islam even if he abandoned the prayer out of laziness. If on top of abandoning the prayer and consuming intoxicants, he does not fulfil the rights of his family, then the matter is more serious.
Therefore, we advise you to admonish him in a good and soft manner, and supplicate to Allaah to guide him. You may seek the help of his righteous and pious relatives; it might be that they will succeed in influencing him and he will repent and become righteous, and this is good for you and your children. However, if he continues on this state neglecting the Rights of his Lord and the rights of his wife and children, then there is no good for you in staying with him, and it is more appropriate to ask for divorce.
If he refuses to grant you divorce, then you can take the matter to an Islamic court, and Allaah will grant you with a better husband than him.
Finally, we advise you to hold fast to your religion and be keen on nurturing your children according to Islamic morals and principles, and not be influenced by the wrong that this man is inflicting on you. One should not judge Islam by the bad behaviour of some Muslims.
We ask Allaah to make you and us firm on this true religion until the day we meet Him.
Allaah Knows best.
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- PUBLISHERNajimudeeN M
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Question
I have no relation with my husband for more than three years. We are living in the same house but we don't even sit with each other. I hate him for what he is. I demanded divorce but he wants to keep torturing me and did not agree. I have a three years old daughter, if I go for 'Khula' I may lose her. I am educated and earning and more capable to look after her even now he is not paying anything for the daughter and me. I can't let him keep my daughter and ruin her future. If I go to the court he may harm us. Please advise what I should do.
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammadis His slave and Messenger.
The husbands are obliged in Islamic legislation to treat their wives honourably. Allaah Says )which means(: }And live with them in kindness. For if you dislike them perhaps you dislike a thing and Allaah makes therein much good.{]Quran 4:19[. Allaah Says )which means(: }…And they )women( have rights )over their husbands as regards living expenses, etc.( similar )to those of their husbands( over them )as regards obedience and respect, etc.( to what is reasonable.{]Quran 2:228[. So, if your husband is as you mentioned that he refuses to share the bed with you for all this period of time and left you suspended, neither widowed nor married, then he is indeed wrong. Despite this fact, we advise you to be patient and seek to reconcile with him, first by seeking Allaah's Help and then the help of the pious and righteous people. It might be that Allaah will reconcile between you in spite of the length of the period during which he refused to share the bed with you, and then you will live happily together; this is not impossible. So, we advise you to take into consideration your daughter's interest as divorce may badly affect her nurturing.
However, if it is not possible to reconcile, then do not hesitate to take the matter to an Islamic court which can relief you from this harm, and the judge will determine who is more appropriate and deserving of fostering the daughter when divorce takes place. However, if you fear that your husband will harm you after divorce, then you may inform the judge of this so that he will deter him from doing so.
Allaah Knows best.
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