Monday, November 4, 2013

Sex in Islam, - Sex, Society and Morality

This is another of the classic and seminal articles published byThe
Muslimmagazine in the sixties and seventies. This article was first
published in 1969.
Morality has become for so many people in the West and those who ape
them elsewhere, the only immoral thing. Once you defend or criticise
any action or behaviour on a moral basis, You run the risk of being
branded as unscientific, irrational, and intolerant.
Morality according to such a view is at best something that is
completely irrelevant to the material and spiritual well-being of
individuals and societies; at worst it is the one handicap that is
blocking the way of healthy progress of individuals and societies. And
this is more so especially as far as sexual morality is concerned.
For such people the best attitude towards any kind of sexual behaviour
is: stop talking nonsense about its being moral or immoral since these
descriptions are mere expressions of the speaker's subjective and
irrational attitude. And since any form of sexual behaviour is as good
as the other, the best civilised, scientific and tolerant attitude is
to let any one choose the form which he likes and not to impose on him
the form which happens to be the choice of another individual or
groups of individuals even if the latter were in the majority.
Suffice it to say that while the idea of planning is gaining grounds
in nearly every aspect of society, laissez-faire has established
itself as the best policy in matters sexual. Is morality, and in
particular sexual morality, such a superfluous and highly relative
matter that changes, without any harmful consequences, from place to
place, from age to age, and front one individual to the other?
It is my belief that this is a grossly mistaken view but I do not want
to enter here into a direct defence of morality. In fact, I think that
the best policy here is not to talk about 'morality' at all, but about
the harmful or useful consequences of adopting one or the other of the
many possible forms of sexual behaviour. And I hope that the criteria
in use for identifying a certain consequence as useful or harmful will
be acceptable to everyone irrespective of whether he is religious or
atheist, a defender of morality or a staunch enemy of such a concept.
We shall see however that the choice we finally settle on is the
behaviour we call moral. And it is called moral, and enjoined by Allah
not for any mysterious unknowable quality which they have but for
reasons similar to the ones which I shall mention. As Muslims we
believe that Allah enjoins us to do only what is good for us and avoid
only what is bad or harmful for us.
There seem to be four main types of sexual relations of which we
either have a society of pure homosexuals, an entirely promiscuous
society, a society in which no sexual relation exists except between
husband and wife or a laissez-faire society in which all these forms
are tolerated. Are there any rational and objective basis on which we
can choose among these types of societies?
Let us start with the easiest one to rule out. If men continue to be
moral then a society of pure homosexuals is a self-defeating one,
since it severs the enjoyment of sex from its reproductive function.
An entirely promiscuous society seems to many to be the best, and in
the long run the inevitable form of sexual relations. In such a
society sex, it is thought, ceases to be a problem, since here we
shall for the first time combine complete freedom with the deepest
enjoyment as well as the reproduction of children. This however is a
mere dream in which one does not see the facts as they are but as one
wants them to be. Here are some of the difficulties that beset such a
society.
Far from being the natural or ultimately the inevitable, and even if
man is viewed as a mere animal, this is a dream which shall never be
realised. This is because
"*the human animal is basically and biologically a pair-forming
species. As the emotional relationship develops between a pair of
potential mates it is aided and abetted by the sexual activities they
share. The pair formation function of sexual behaviour is so important
for our species that nowhere outside the pairing phase do sexual
activities regularly reach such a high intensity."
The facts are therefore against those who argue that man is basically
promiscuous.
"**it is true that in many cultures economic considerations have led
to gross distortion of the pair-forming pattern, but even where this
pattern's interference with officially planned 'pseudo- bonds' has
been most vigorously suppressed, with savage penalties and
punishments, it has always shown signs of reasserting itself. From
ancient times, young lovers who have known that the law may demand no
less than their lives if they are caught, have nevertheless found
themselves driven to take the risk. Such is the power of this
fundamental biological mechanism.
"***As a dream, a promiscuous society is one where everyone chooses
whoever he likes at whatever time he prefers. As a reality it is a
society in which sexual deprivation becomes the main problem. If it is
true that human beings tend naturally towards forming sexual pairs
then if x and y are such a pair and if z likes y he cannot have her
(or him) because y is already tied to x and because even if y agrees x
is sure to interfere. But why it can be asked, should z want y in
particular? Why not any other 'free' person. Well, sincerely because
such is human nature. Man is not indiscriminately attracted by every
woman that happens to be passing by.
The young and the beautiful are universally more attractive than the
ugly and the old. And then there are the personal tastes of voice,
form, culture, gesture etc., etc. And if a person fails to find the
mate of his liking, then even if he is physically satisfied, he is
emotionally deprived."
In such a society people are sure to be obsessed with sex, as the
search for the younger, the more beautiful, the what not becomes a
full time job. If time is a valuable asset then much of it is
unnecessarily wasted in such a society. And this leads inevitably and
naturally to the commercialisation of this human need, a
commercialisation which through advertisements, pictures, specialised
magazines, the employment of sexually attractive girls, and a hundred
other satanic devices, only increases the obsession with sex.
The natural outcome of this is a distortion of human values. I do not
mean by this anything metaphysical or mysterious. I only mean that in
such a society a person's worth will depend on the accident of his
being in a certain age or having a beautiful body. Girls are rewarded,
socially and materially and even 'crowned' not for anything they
achieved but for a thing they had at their hour of birth. By
implication the less beautiful girls are punished for no fault of
theirs. What a cruel society!
A promiscuous society is definitely a cruel one. Even in a normal
society, the feeling that one is getting older is somewhat annoying.
What if the older one becomes one loses not only one's vitality and
smartness, but even some of one's worth as a human being.
If many criminal tendencies both among the young and the old are
discovered to have their origins in broken homes and unstable
families, what is going to be the fate of that army of parentless
children which a promiscuous society produces? I cannot go here into
the detailed problems of the mass bringing-up of children.
These then are some examples of the consequences of living in an
entirely promiscuous society. Contemplating them one might say; well
no one ever seriously advocated this kind of society. All we stand for
is a society where every individual or group of individuals shall have
the freedom to lead the kind of sexual life which they prefer. In such
a mixed society married people will live side by side with promiscuous
individuals and homosexuals, each appreciating and respecting the
ideas and choices of the others and tolerating their behaviour. But
this will not do either.
Firstly because the bad consequences of homosexuality (with the
details of which I have not concerned myself) and promiscuity, will
not be eradicated by having those who practise them living among
married people. All the complications will be there but on a narrower
scale,
Secondly, if the consequences are admitted to be harmful why then
encourage and not lessen the factors responsible for them? And the
unfortunate fact is that tolerating homosexuality and promiscuity
means encouraging them and pushing more and more people to practise
them so much so that the inevitable result will be a promiscuous and
homosexual society with a minority of "eccentric" married people, who
shall not however be tolerated as the example of Lut's people shows.
"And Lut! (Remember) when he said unto his folk: Will ye commit
abomination such as no creature ever did before. "Lo! ye come with
lust unto men instead of women. Nay, but ye are wanton folk. "And the
answer of his people was only that they said (one to another): Turn
them out of your township. They are folk, forsooth, who keep
pure."(Surah 7:80-82)
By elimination then, and also by implication, the society with the
least evil and most good is a society of married people who do not
tolerate, but do their best to eradicate all the causes of
homosexuality and promiscuity. But the elaboration of this is the
topic of another article which I hope to write, insh'Allah.
REFERENCES:
* Desmond Morris, "The Human Zoo", p.83
** Ibid p.86
*** Ibid p.86

Sex in Islam, - Sex Education, Teenage Pregnancy, Sex in Islam and Marriage

"Say: Are they equal those who know, and those who do not know?"(The
Holy Quran, 39:9)
"Blessed are the women of the Helpers. Their modesty did not stand in
the way of their seeking knowledge about their religion"(Bukhari and
Muslim)
"If you tell kids about sex, they'll do it. If you tell them about VD,
they'll go out and get it. Incredible as may seem, most oppositions to
sex education in this country are based on the assumption that
knowledge is harmful. But research in this area reveals that ignorance
and unresolved curiosity, not knowledge, are harmful. Our failure to
tell children what they want and need to know is one reason we have
the highest rates of out-of-wedlock teens pregnancy and abortion of
any highly developed country in the world." -fromWhat Kids Need to
Know,Psychology Today, October 1986, by Dr. Sol Gordon, Professor
Emeritus, Syracuse University, and an expert on sex education.
INTRODUCTION
Although the Quran has placed so much emphasis on acquiring knowledge,
and in the days of Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) Muslim men and women were
never too shy to ask him questions including those related to private
affairs such as sexual life, for Muslim parents of today, sex is a
dirty word. They feel uncomfortable in discussing sex education with
their children, but do not mind the same being taught at their
children's school by secular or non-Muslim teachers (of even the
opposite sex), by their peers of either sex, and by the media and
television. An average child is exposed to 9000 sexual scenes per
year.
These parents should know that sex is not always a dirty word. It is
an important aspect of our life. God Who cares for all the aspects of
our life, and not just the way of worshipping Him, discusses
reproduction, creation, family life, menstruation and even ejaculation
in the Quran. Prophet Muhammad (PBUH), who was sent to us as an
example, discussed many aspects of sexual life including sexual
positions with his Companions.
The main reason Muslim parents do not or cannot discuss sex education
with their children is because of the their cultural upbringing, not
their religious training. They are often brought up in a state of
ignorance in regard to sex issues. As a result, they may not be
comfortable with their own sexuality or its expression. They leave
Islamic education to Islamic Sunday schools and sex education to
American public schools and the media.
WHAT IS SEX EDUCATION AND WHO SHOULD GIVE IT?
Is sex education about knowing the anatomy and physiology of the human
body or about the act of sex or about reproduction and family life or
about prevention of sexually transmitted diseases and unwanted
pregnancy? Is giving sex ed equivalent to permission in engaging in
sex? One sex educator at my son's school told the parents, "I am not
planning to tell your children whether or not they should engage in
sex or how to do it but in case they decide to do it, they should know
how to prevent sexually transmitted diseases (STD), venereal diseases
(VD), acquired immune deficiency syndrome (AIDS) and pregnancy."
The problem with this is that at the present time sex ed as taught in
the public schools is incomplete. It does not cover morality
associated with sex, sexual dysfunctions and deviations and the
institution of marriage.
One of the basic questions is, "Do children need sex education?" Do
you teach a baby duck how to swim or just put it in the water and let
it swim? After all, for thousands of years men and women have been
having sex without any formal education. In many traditional
civilizations, sex education starts after marriage and with trial and
error. Some couples learn it faster than others and do it better than
others due to difference in sexual perception and expression of one
partner. In my opinion having a dozen children is not necessarily
proof of their love. An appropriate and healthy sex education is
crucial to the fulfillment of a happy marriage.
With regard to the question who should teach sex ed, I believe
everyone has to play his or her role. Parents have to assume a more
responsible role. A father has a duty to be able to answer his son's
questions and a mother has the same duty to her daughter. We can
hardly influence the sex ed taught in public schools or by the media,
but we can supplement that with an ethical and moral dimension adding
family love and responsibility. Apart from these players, some role
can be played by Sunday school teachers, the family physician, the
pediatrician and the clergy. Within a family, the older sister has a
duty towards the younger one and the elder brother has a duty towards
younger ones.
SEX EDUCATION IN AMERICAN SCHOOLS
Sex education is given in every American school, public or private,
from grades 2 to 12. The projected 1990 cost to the nation was $2
billion per year. Teachers are told to give technical aspects of sex
ed without telling the students about moral values or how to make the
right decisions. After describing the male and female anatomy and
reproduction, the main emphasis is on the prevention of venereal
diseases and teenage pregnancy. With the rise of AIDS, the focus is on
'Safe Sex' which means having condoms available each time you decide
to have sex with someone you don't know. With the help of our tax
dollars, about 76 schools in the country have started dispensing free
condoms and contraceptives to those who go to school health clinics.
Very soon there will be vending machines in school hallways where
'children' can get a condom each time they feel like having sex.
The role of parents is minimized by American sex educators and
sometimes ridiculed. In one of the sex ed movies I was made to watch a
film called, "Am I Normal?" as a parent at my son's school. Whenever
the young boy asks his father a question about sex, the father, shown
as a bum and a slob, shuns him and changes the topic. Finally the boy
learns it from a stranger and then is shown going into a movie theater
with his girlfriend.
Sex education as promoted by some Western educators is devoid of
morality is in many ways unacceptable to our value system. The
examples of the teachings of one such educator are:
a. Nudity in homes (in shower or bedroom) is a good and healthy way to
introduce sexuality to smaller (under 5) children, giving them an
opportunity to ask questions. At the same time, in the same book, he
also states that 75% of all child molestation and incest (500,000 per
year) occur by a close relative (parent, step-parent or another family
member).
b. A child's playing with genitals of another child is a permissible
'naive exploration' and not a reason for scolding or punishment. He is
also aware that boys as young as 12 have raped girls as young as 8. We
don't know when this 'naive exploration' becomes a sex act.
c. Children caught reading dirty magazines should not be made to feel
guilty, but parents should use it as a chance to get some useful
points across to him or her about sexual attitudes, values and sex
exploitation, Like charity, pornography should start at home!
d. If your daughter or son is already sexually active, instead of
telling them to stop, the parent's moral duty is to protect their
health and career by providing them information and means for
contraception and avoiding VD. Maybe this its true for rebellious
teens and their submissive parents!
Educators like the one referred to above do not believe that giving
sexual information means giving the OK for sex. I just wonder as to
why some folks after being told the shape, color, smell and taste of a
new fruit, and pleasures derived from eating it, would not like to try
it? These educators say that even if your child does not ask any
questions about sex, parents should initiate the discussion using i.e.
a neighbors pregnancy, a pet's behavior, advertisement, popular music
or a TV show. I wonder why these educators are obsessed with loading
children with sexual information whether they want it or not.
THE MORE THEY KNOW IT - THE MORE THEY DO IT
Sex education in American schools has not helped decrease the teenager
incidence of VD or teenage pregnancy. This is because it has not
changed their sex habits. According to Marion Wright Elderman,
President of the Children' Defense Fund, in a recent report, out of
every twenty teens, ten are sexually active but only four use
conceptions, two get pregnant and one gives birth. In 1982, a John
Hopkins study found one out of every five 15 year olds, and one in
three 16 year olds are sexually active. The incidence increased to 43%
in 17 year olds. The Louis Harris poll in 1986 found that 57% of the
nations 17 year olds, 46% of 16 year olds, 29% 15 year old were
sexually active. Now it is estimated that about 80% of girls entering
college had sexual intercourse at least once. Going to church does not
help either. 1438 teenagers, mostly white, attending conservative
evangelical church were sent questions about their sex life. 26% of 16
year olds, 35% of 17 year olds, and 43% of 18 year olds said they had
sexual intercourse at least once. 33% that responded also said sex
outside of marriage was morally acceptable.
HAZARDS OF EARLY SEX
The health hazards of early sex includes sexual trauma, increase in
incidence of cervical cancer, sexually transmitted disease and teenage
pregnancy. We will take up each individually. A variety of injuries
are possible and do happen when sex organs are not ready for sex in
terms of full maturation. Some of these injuries have a long lasting
effect. Cervical cancer has been thought to be related to sex at an
early age and with multiple partners. Dr. Nelson and his associates in
their article on epidemiology of cervical cancer call it a sexually
transmitted disease.
TEENAGE PREGNANCY
About one million or more teenage girls become pregnant every year, at
a rate of 3000 per day, 80% of whom are unmarried. Out of this I
million, about 500,000, decide to keep their baby, and 450,000 are
aborted (or ? murdered). 100,000 decide to deliver and give the baby
up for adoption. In 1950 the incidence of birth from unmarried
teenagers was only 13.9%, but in 1985 it increased to 59%. It is a
myth that teenage pregnancy is a problem of the black and poor. To the
contrary 2/3 teens getting pregnant now are white, suburban and above
the poverty income level. The pregnancy rate (without marriage) in
54,000 enlisted Navy women is 40% as compared to 17% in the general
population.
What is the life of those who have teenage pregnancy? Only 50%
complete high school and more than 50% of them are on welfare. They
themselves become child abusers and their children, when grown up,
have 82% incidence of teenage pregnancy. 8.6 billion dollars are spent
every year for the financial and health care support of teenage
mothers., The sexual revolution of the 60's has affected another
dimension of health care. In 1985 alone, 10 million cases of
chlamydia, 2 million cases of gonorrhea, I million venereal warts, 0.5
million genital herpes and 90,000 syphilis were diagnosed. The plague
of AIDS is adding a new twist to our fears. 200,000 cases have been
diagnosed in the US alone, out of which 50% have already died. The
disease is growing at a rate of one case every 14 minutes and so far
there is no effective treatment. Father Bruce Ritter in New York, who
operates shelters for runaway children, says the biggest threat to the
nation's 1 million runaways is the threat of AIDS now.
WHY DO CHILDREN GET INVOLVED IN SEX?
There are many reasons why children get involved in sex. The most
common is peer pressure. Their common response is "since everybody is
doing it." One of the reasons is their desire for sexual competence
with adults and a way to get ahead. Another common reason is their
lack of self-esteem which they want to improve by becoming a father or
mother. Sometimes it is due to a lack of other alternatives to divert
their sexual energies. It could also be due to a lack of love and
appreciation at home. Detachment from home can lead to attachment
elsewhere. Sexual pressure on them is everywhere, at school from their
peers, from the TV where about 20,000 sexual scenes are broadcasted in
advertisement, soap operas, prime time shows and MTV. The hard core
rock music nowadays fans the flames of sexual desires. Most parents do
not know what kind of music their children are hearing. If they care
and listen to rock songs like Eat Me Alive (Judas Priest), Purple Rain
(Prince), Losing It (Madonna), The Last American Virgin, Papa Don't
Preach, Private Dancer (Tina Turner), Material Girl (Madonna) and
Cyndi Lauper's songs, they will know what they are talking about. The
songs have pornographic words and sentences which made Kandy Stroud, a
former rock fan, begged parents to stop their children from listening
to what she calls 'Pornographic Rock'. This shows music does affect
our sexual mood. It does so by activating melatonin, the hormone from
the pineal gland in the brain which is turned on by darkness and
turned off by flashing lights. It is the same gland which has been
thought to trigger puberty and affects the reproductive cycle and sex
mood.
WHAT IS THE TRUE ROLE OF PARENTS?
American educators are putting the blame for their failures (i.e.
teenage pregnancy) on the parents. In fact in Wisconsin and many other
states the grandparents of a baby born to a teenager are responsible
for the financial support of the child. Remember parents are not
needed if their teenage daughter needs contraceptives or abortion.
Faced with such hypocrisy, the parents job is to instill in their
teenagers mind what is not taught in sex ed classes, i.e. reason not
to engage in sex, reason not to get pregnant, etc. At the same time,
they should divert their energies to some productive activities like
community work, sports, character growth, or Sunday schools. Another
role of parents is to help their children make the right decisions.
In Islam anything which leads to wrong is also considered wrong.
Therefore parents should control the music children are listening to
or the TV program they are watching, the magazines they are reading,
and the clothes (which may provoke desire in the opposite sex) they
are wearing. While group social activity should be permitted with
supervision, dating should not be allowed. When American teenagers
start dating, sex is on their mind.
In fact during a recent survey, 25% of college freshman boys responded
by saying that if they have paid for the food and the girl does not go
all the way, they have a right to force her to have sex. Many of the
rapes occur at the end of the date and are not reported. Anything
which breaks down sexual inhibition and loss of self-control i.e.
alcohol, drugs, parking, petting or just being together for two
members of the opposite sex in a secluded place should not be allowed
for Muslim teenagers. Kissing and petting is preparing the body for
sex. The body can be brought to a point of no return.
In summary Muslim parents should teach their children that they are
different from non-Muslims in their value system and way of life.
Having a feeling and love in your heart for someone of the opposite
sex is different and beyond control, while expression of the same
through sex is entirely different and should be under control. Muslim
children should be told that they don't drink alcohol, eat pork, take
drugs, and they don't have to engage in pre-marital sex either.
ISLAMIC CONCEPT OF SEXUALITY
Islam recognizes the power of sexual need, but the subject is
discussed in the Quran and the saying of Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) in a
serious manner, in regard to marital and family life. Parents should
familiarize themselves with this body of knowledge.
SAYINGS OF PROPHET MUHAMMAD
1. "When one of you have sex with your wife, it is a rewarded act of
charity." The Companions were surprised and said, "But we do it purely
out of our desire. How can it be counted as charity?" The Prophet
replied, "If you had done it with a forbidden woman, it would have
been counted as a sin, but if you do it in legitimacy, it is counted
as charity."
2. "Let not one of you fall upon his wife like a beast falls. It is
more appropriate to send a message before the act."
3. "Do not divulge the secrets of your sex life with your wife to
another person nor describe her physical feature to anyone."
CONCEPT OF ADULTERY IN ISLAM
God says in the Quran,"Do not go near to adultery. Surely it is a
shameful deed and evil, opening roads (to other evils)"(17:32)."Say,
'Verily, my Lord has prohibited the shameful deeds, be it open or
secret, sins and trespasses against the truth and
reason"'(7:33)."Women impure are for men impure, and men impure are
for women impure and women of purity are for men of purity, and men of
purity are for women of purity"(24:26). Prophet Muhammad (PBUH), has
said in many place that adultery is one of the three major sins.
However the most interesting story is that of a young man who went to
the Prophet and asked for permission to fornicate because he could not
control himself. The Prophet dealt with him with reasoning and asked
him if he would approve of someone else having illegal sex with his
mother, sister, daughter or wife. Each time the man said 'no'. Then
the Prophet replied that the woman with whom you plan to have sex is
also somebody's mother, sister, daughter or wife. The man understood
and repented. The Prophet prayed for his forgiveness.
Adultery is a crime not against one person but against the whole of
society. It is a violation of marital contract. 50% of all first time
marriages in this country result in divorce in two years and the main
reason for divorce is the adultery of one of the partners. Adultery,
which includes both pre-marital and extra marital sex, is an epidemic
in this society. Nobody seems to listen to the Bible which says
frequently, "Thou shall not commit adultery." The Quranic approach is,
"Do not approach adultery."
What does it mean that not only is illegal sex prohibited, but
anything which leads to illegal sex is also illegal? These things
include dating, free mixing of the sexes, provocative dress, nudity,
obscenity and pornography. The dress code both for men and women is to
protect them from temptation and desires by on lookers who may lose
self-control and fall into sin."Say to the believing men that they
should lower their gaze and guard their modesty; that will make for
greater purity, and God is well acquainted with all they do. And say
to the believing woman that they should lower their gaze, and guard
their modesty"(24:30-3 1).
CONCEPT OF MARRIAGE IN ISLAM
Islam recognizes the strong sexual urge and desire for reproduction.
Thus Islam encourages marriage as a legal sexual means and as a shield
from immorality (sex without commitment). In Islam the marriage of a
man and woman is not just a financial and legal living arrangement,
not even just for reproduction, but providing a total commitment to
each other, a contract witnessed by God. Love and joy of companionship
is a part of the commitment. A married couple assumes a new social
status and responsibility for himself, his wife and his children and
for the community. The Quran says,"Among His signs is that He created
consorts for you from among yourself, so that you may find
tranquillity with them, and (He) set love and compassion between you.
Verily in this are signs for people who reflect"(30:21).
SAYINGS OF PROPHET MUHAMMAD
"Marriage is my tradition. He who rejects my tradition is not of me"
(Bukhari, Muslim).
"Marriage is half of religion. The other half is being Godfearing"
(Tabarani, Hakim).
In Islam there is no fixed rule as to the age of marriage. It is
becoming fashionable for young Muslim men not to marry until they have
completed their education, have a job, or reached age 26-30 or more.
Similarly young Muslim girls say they want to marry after age 24. Why?
When asked, they say, "I am not ready for it." Not ready for what?
Don't they have normal sexual desire? If the answer is yes, then they
have only one of the two choices a) marry or b) postpone sex
(abstinence until they marry). The Quran says,"Let those who find not
the where withal for marriage, to keep them selves chaste till God
find them the means from His Grace"(24:33).
The Prophet said, "Those of you who own the means should marry,
otherwise should keep fasting for it curbs desires" (Ibn Massoud). The
Western reason for delaying marriage is different than ours. When I
suggested this to one of my sexually active young female patients, she
bluntly said, "I don't want to sleep with the same guy every night."
ROLE OF MUSLIM PARENTS AND MUSLIM ORGANIZATIONS
I am not proposing that all Muslim youth be married at age 16. But I
must say that youth should accept the biological instinct and make
decisions which will help to develop a more satisfied life devoted to
having a career rather than spending time in chasing (or dreaming
about) the opposite sex. Parents should help their sons and daughters
in selection of their mate using Islamic practice as a criteria and
not race, color or wealth. They should encourage them to know each
other in a supervised setting. The community organization has several
roles to play.
a) To provide a platform for boys and girls to see and know each other
without any intimacy.
b) Offer premarital educational courses to boys and girls over 18
separately to prepare them for the role of father and husband and of
mother and wife. The father has a special role, mentioned by Prophet
Muhammad (PBUH), "One who is given by God, a child, he should give it
a beautiful name, should give him or her education, and training and
when he or she attains puberty, he should see to it that he or she is
married. If the father does not arrange their marriage after puberty,
and the boy or girl is involved in sin, the responsibility of that sin
will lie with the father."
MARRIAGE OF MUSLIM GIRLS IN THE USA
Marriage of Muslim girls in this country is becoming a problem. I was
not surprised to read the letter of a Muslim father in a national
magazine. He complained that in spite of his doing his best in
teaching Islam to his children, his college-going daughter announced
that she is going to marry a non-Muslim boy whom she met in college.
As a social scientist I am more interested in the analysis of the
events. To be more specific, why would a Muslim girl prefer a
non-Muslim boy over a Muslim? The following reasons come to mind:
- She is opposed to and scared of arranged marriages. She should be
told that not all arranged marriages are bad ones and that 50% of all
love marriages end up in a divorce in this country. Arranged marriages
can be successful if approved by both the boy and girl. That is, they
need to be a party to the arrangement. I am myself opposed to the
blind arranged marriage.
- Muslim boys are not available to her to make a choice. While parents
have no objection or cannot do anything about non-Muslim boys with
whom she talks or socializes at school or college for forty hours a
week, she is not allowed to talk to a Muslim boy in the mosque or in a
social gathering. If she does, they frown at her or even accuse her of
having a loss character. As a Muslim boy put it, "If I grow up knowing
only non-Muslim girls, why do my parents expect me to marry a Muslim
one?"
- Some Muslim boys do not care for Muslim girls. On the pretext of
missionary work after marriage, they get involved with non-Muslim
girls because of their easy availability. Muslim parents who also live
with an inferiority complex do not mind their son marrying an American
girl of European background but they would object if he marries a
Muslim girl of a different school of Islamic thought (Shiah/Sunni) or
different tribe like Punjabi, Sunni, Pathan, Arab vs. non-Arab,
Afro-American vs. immigrant, or different class, Syed vs. non-Syed.
Both the parents and the body should be reminded that the criteria for
choosing a spouse that was given by the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) was
not wealth nor color but Islamic piety.
- She may have been told that early marriage, that is, age 18 or less,
is taboo and that she should wait until the age of 23 or 25. According
to statistics, 80% of American girls, while waiting to get settled in
life and married, engage freely in sex with multiple boyfriends.
However, this option is not available to Muslim girls. Every year
nearly one million teenage girls in this country who think that they
are not ready for marriage, get pregnant. By the age of 24 when a
Muslim girl decides that she is ready for marriage, it may be too
large for her. If she reviews the matrimonial ad section in Islamic
magazines, she will quickly notice that the boys of the age group of
25 to 30 are looking for girls from 18 to 20 year age group. They may
wrongfully assume that an older girl may not be a virgin.
- She may also carry a wrong notion not proven scientifically that
marrying healthy cousins may cause congenital deformities in her
offspring.
Thus, unless these issues are addressed, many Muslim girls in the US
may end up marrying a non-Muslim or remain unmarried.
CURRICULUM FOR ISLAMIC SEX EDUCATION
Islamic sex ed should be taught at home starting at an early age.
Before giving education about anatomy and physiology, the belief in
the Creator should be well established. As Dostoevsky put it, "Without
God, everything is possible," meaning that the lack of belief or
awareness of God gives an OK for wrongdoing.
A father should teach his son and a mother should teach her daughter.
In the absence of a willing parent, the next best choice should be a
Muslim male teacher (preferably a physician) for boys and a Muslim
female teacher (preferably a physician) for a girl at the Islamic
Sunday school.
The curriculum should be tailored according to age of the child and
classes be held separately. Only pertinent answers to a question
should be given. By this I mean that if a five year old asks how he or
she got into mommie's stomach, there is no need to describe the whole
act of intercourse. Similarly it is not necessary to tell a fourteen
year old how to put on condoms. This might be taught in premarital
class just before his or her marriage. A curriculum for sex ed should
Include:
a. Sexual growth and development
* Time table for puberty
* Physical changes during puberty
* Need for family life
b. Physiology of reproductive system
* For girls- the organ, menstruation, premenstrual syndrome
* For boys- the organ, the sex drive
c. Conception, development of fetus and birth
d. Sexually transmitted disease (VD/AIDS) (emphasize the Islamic aspect)
e. Mental, emotional and social aspects of puberty
f Social, moral and religious ethics
g. How to avoid peer pressure
SEX EDUCATION AFTER MARRIAGE
This essay is not intended to be a sex manual for married couples,
although I may write such someday. I just wanted to remind the reader
of a short verse in the Quran and then elaborate. The verse is,"They
are your garments, and you are their garments"(2:187).
Husbands and wives are described as garments for each other. A garment
is very close to our body, so they should be close to each other. A
garment protects and shields our modesty, so they should do the same
to each other. Garments are put on anytime we like, so should they be
available to each other anytime. A garment adds to our beauty, so they
should praise and beautify each other.
For husbands I should say that sex is an expression of love and one
without the other is incomplete. One of your jobs is to educate your
wife in matters of sex especially in your likes and dislikes and do
not compare her to other women.
For wives I want to say that a man's sexual needs are different than a
women's. Instead of being a passive recipient of sex, try to be an
active partner. He is exposed to many temptations outside the home. Be
available to please him and do not give him a reason to make a choice
between you and hellfire.
SELECTED REFERENCES
*.Annual Report of Children's Defense Fund. Northside Topics. January, 1988.
*."Children Having Children." Time Magazine. December 9, 1985.
*.Cuffan, J. Report of Center for Disease Control. Indianapolis Star;
June 14, 1988.
*.Dracula of Hormones. Newsweek Magazine. November 25, 1985.
*.Elam, A. and V. G. Ray. "Sexually Related Trauma: A Review." Annals
of Emergency Medicine, May, 1986, vol. 15:5, pp. 576-584.
*.Gordon, S. and 1. R. Dickman. "Sex Education-My Parent's Role
Public Affairs Pamphlet No. 549. Published by Public Affairs
Committee, 3 81 Park Ave. South, New York, NY 100 16.
*.Hatcher, Adams J. "Solving Teenage Pregnancy." Medical Aspects of
Human Sexuality. March, 1980, pp. 10-23.
*.Marvin, S. "How Adults Could Have Helped Me." Parade Magazine,
(Supplement to Indianapolis Star) August 21, 1988, pp. 4-7
*.Mast, C. K. "How to Say No to Sex." Medical Aspects of Human
Sexuality. September, 1988, pp. 26-32.
*.Mast, C. K. Sex Respect: The Option of True Sexual Freedom. Bradley,
11: Respect Inc., 1986, p. 41.
*.Muslim, Bukhari. Collection of Hadith.
*.Nelson, C. A. A Cancer Journal For Clinicians. American Cancer
Society. November-December, 1984.
*.Report On Sex Education. Time Magazine. November. 24, 1986.
*.Report on Teens: Sex Attitude Survey by Eight National Evangelical
Churchs. Indianapolis Star. February 2, 1988.
*.Richard, D. "Teenage Pregnancy and Sex Education in the Schools:
What Works And What Does Not Work," San Antonio Pregnancy Center,
1986, p. 6.
*.Stroud. "Stop Pornographic Rock." Newsweek Magazine. May 6. 1985.
Time Magazine. February 4, 1985, p. 85.
*."What's Gone Wrong With Teen Sex?" People Magazine. April 13, 1987.
*.Williams, R. H. "Effects of Melatonins in Humans." Textbook of
Endocrinology, 6th Ed., p. 628.
*.Zamichow, N. Teenage Sex. Ladies Home Journal; October 1986, pp. 138-205.

Fathwa, - Looking after Hindu pilgrims is cooperation insin

Question
assalamu alaikum we have been deputed for yatra duties where a cave
exists hindus believe that cave belonged to their God .WE WERE LOOKING
AFTER THE HEALTH PROBLEMS OF YATRIES WE ARE SUPPOsed to get some money
extra to our own pay.is it halal to get this money?
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify
that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that
Muhammadis His slave and Messenger.
There is no doubt that what those Hindus are doing is Shirk and
clear-cut disbelief, therefore, working with them in that pilgrimage
trip in the manner which you mentioned is helping them in their
falsehood and disbelief and Allaah forbade this as He Says )what
means(: }And cooperate in righteousness and piety, but do not
cooperate in sin and aggression. And fear Allaah; indeed, Allaah is
severe in penalty.{ ]Quran 5:2[
If the work is forbidden, then the pay for such work is also forbidden.
Allaah Knows best.

Fathwa, - The so-called Jihaad An-Nikaah has no basis inIslam

Question
ASSALAMUALIKUM WA RAHMATULLAHUI WA BARKATAHU RESPECTED SIR, WHAT IS
JIHAD AL NIKHA ? I CAME TO KNOW THAT THIS NIKAH IS DONE IN THE PERIOD
OF JIHAD AND THE GIRL HAVE EXTRAMARITAL SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP WITH
MULTIPLE PARTNERS AND HAVING CHILDRENS. IS THIS SYSTEM OF NIKAH
ALLOWED IN ISLAM . 2. WHAT IS MISIYAR ? THIS SYSTEM IS SAME AS MUTHA
PLEASE DESCRIBE. JAZAK ALLAH KHAIR
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify
that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad,
is His Slave and Messenger.
The term "Jihaad An-Nikaah" has no basis in Islam. We think that it
cannot be used to refer to those to whom it is attributed. Rather, it
is a completely false accusation, aiming to distort the image of the
religious Muslims and to slander them.
According tothose who use that term, it means that the unmarried
fighters or those who are married among them but are unable to meet
their wives, conclude a marriage contract with girls or divorced women
for a short time that sometimes does not go beyond an hour after which
divorce takes place; to give another fighter a chance to marry and of
course this is absolutely not permissible. That is because it is like
Nikaah al-Mut'ah )temporary marriage( that Islam has prohibited and
some scholars reported the consensus of Muslim scholars on prohibiting
it.
As for Misyaar marriage, it is an Islamic marriage that fulfills the
conditions of a valid marriage such as the presence of a guardian,
witnesses and the like with the exception that the woman willingly
renounces some of her rights. This does not affect the validity of the
marriage contract. It has nothing to do with Nikaah al-Mut'ah which is
a temporary marriage whose period is specified in advance, such as if
a man marries a woman for a month or the like.
Allaah Knows best.

Fathwa, - Pouring water over body more than 3 times in Ghusl

Question
Assalaamu alaykum,when bathing ghusl,does the water from the shower
have to flow on your rigtht and leftside body three times or it can be
done even more than three times,please advice me jazakAllahu
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that
there is none worthy of worship except Allah, and that Muhammadis His
slave and Messenger.
In performing Ghusl )ritual bath(, one must make water reach all
external parts of his body, he must make water reach his scalp and
make sure that the water has reached the places which it may not
reach.Ibn Qudaamahsaid: "If he washes once and the water reaches all
of his head and body, and he did not perform ablution, then this is
sufficient for him, after rinsing his mouth and sniffing water into
his nostrils, while intending Ghusl and ablution, although he has left
what is optional ]i.e. the perfect manner of performing Ghusl[: what
we have stated here is the manner of sufficient Ghusl." ]End quote[
Therefore, it is not a condition for the validity of Ghusl to wash the
right side and left side three times but one has to pour water all
over his body whether or not this is achieved by doing so three times,
but it is disliked to pour water more than what is needed, as this is
wastefulness which is forbidden.An-Nawawisaid in his explanation of
Saheeh Muslim: "The scholars agreed that it is forbidden to be
wasteful in using water even if one is on the sea shore."
Allah Knows best.

Stories of Prophets, - Prophet Nuh (Noah) (PBUH)

Moral Degradation
The Prophet Adam(peace be upon him) had left his progeny in a state of
social and moral health but gradually they began to forget the
teachings of Allah. They adopted the wrong path and indulged in
corruption and depravity. They becamemean, evil-doers and greedy. They
cheated and hurt one another. They began to worship idols and forgot
to pray to Almighty Allah. The entire society had been split up into
different sections and this state of affairs had given birth to
oppression and injustice.
The Advent of Prophet Nuh (Noah)
Under these circumstances Allah, the Most Merciful, wanted the people
to be good again. He sentNuhas His apostle for the reclamation of the
depraved humanity dwelling in that part of the earth which is called
'Iraq in the present era. Those people believed in Allah but they
associated other gods with Allah, the Supreme. The priests of these
deities exercised great control over all affairs. The people offered
sacrifices in the name of their deities to please them. They spent the
money lavishly and thus their condition becamemiserable.
TheProphet Nuh (peace be upon him)like other prophets wassincere,
pious, patient and trustworthy. He was strong in his will and
determination.Angel Gabriel(Jibra'il) conveyed him the teachings from
Allah. He was commanded to reform the people who had been led astray
by the Satan. He kept on preaching the faith of Allah and directed the
people to pray to One God. He advised them torefrain from doing evil
deeds. The Holy Quran affirms his endeavors to reform his people in
the following Verses:
"He (Nuh) said: O' my people! serve Allah. There is no god other than
Him. If you refuse, verily I fear for you chastisement of a grievous
day. The Chiefs of his people said: Most certainly we perceive you in
clear error. He said: O' my people! There is no error in me but I am
an Apostle from the lord of the worlds. I deliver to you the message
of my Lord and I counsel you right ( Surah 7: Verses 59,60)
Again in the following Verses the Prophet Nuh (peace be upon him)
warned his people by declaring:
"O' my people! Surely I am a plain Warner to you bidding you to serve
Allah and be mindful of your duty to Him, and obey me so that He may
forgive your faults." ( Surah 71: Verses 2-4)
The Prophet Nuh (Noah) was Opposed
Most of the people did not believe in the Prophet Nuh (peace be upon
him). They made fun of him and ridiculed him as a mad man. Whenever he
tried to convey the message of Allah to them, they began to thrust
their fingers into their ears. They persisted in their infidelity and
proudly disdained his counsel to do good deeds. The people were so
stubborn under the influence of their priests that they paidno heed to
the message of Allahand their aversion rapidly increased. At last in
sheer disgust the Prophet Nuh (peace be upon him) had to cry out:
"My Lord! Leave not upon land any dweller from among the disbelievers.
For surely if You leave them, they will lead astray Your servants and
will not beget any but immoral ungrateful offspring. My Lord! Forgive
me and my parents and him who enters my house believing, and the
believing males and females and do not increase the unjust in aught
but destruction." ( Surah 71: Verses 26-28)
Preparation Of An Ark
Consequently Almighty Allah answered the prayer of Prophet Nuh (peace
be upon him) by asking him tobuild an ark(a very big boat). The
Prophet Nuh (peace be upon him) knew thatAllah planned to drownall
those sinners who had rejected His Commandments. He began to build the
ark with the help of his followers. They went on working constantly
from dawn to dusk. When the boat began to take shape, the disbelievers
made fun of them. The transgressors thought that the Prophet Nuh
(peace be upon him) and his followers were becoming crazy and were
losing their balance of mind. The Holy Quran says:
"And he began to build the ark and whenever the chiefs among his
people passed by him, they deride him but he said: Though you scoff at
us now, we will scoff at you in Hereafter." ( Surah 11: Verse 38)
Calamity Befalls
When the bigark was completed, the sky became cloudy. It started to
rain in torrents. The streams became bulging with water. The Valleys
were in the grip of food. There was water everywhere. Thelightning was
frighteningand the thunder made the hearts pound fast. Every one was
scared and worried except the Prophet Nuh (peace be upon him) and his
Followers. The Holy Quran gives the description of this terrible
deluge in the following Verses:
"So We opened the gates of the heavens with water pouring down and We
caused the earth to gush forth its springs, so the water of the
heavens and the earth gathered together according to measure already
ordained." ( Surah 54: Verses 11, 12)
The Prophet Nuh (peace be upon trim) called on his family and
followers toembark the boat. They came rushing to the ark. There was a
special place in the boat for all the animates including human beings
and their animals. The ark sailed amid waves like mountains while the
streams of water wererising fast and filling many houseswith water
through the windows and the doors. Many houses collapsed and dashed to
the ground. Some of them tried to swim but in vain. They were in a
pathetic condition but they deserved it. The son of Nuh was separated
from him because he was an evil-doer. The Prophet Nuh (peace be upon
him) prayed to his Lord and said:
"Surely, my son belongs to my family and Your promise is true. Allah
said: Surely, he is not of your family. He is of evil conduct,
therefore ask not of Me that of which you have no knowledge." ( Surah
11: Verses 45, 46)
In the meantime the water rose higher and higher. The whole area was
under thesway of floodand all thedisbelievers were drowned. The
Prophet Nuh (peace be upon him) and his followers were safe and sound
in the ark which was floating without any obstruction of huge waves.
Finally the rain stopped and the water abated. The sky became clear.
The Prophet Nuh And His Followers Remain Safe
The Prophet Nuh (peace be upon him) and his believerssheltered in a
safe place. They built new houses and worked hard in the fields. The
next generation which sprang up from the survived believers
includedGod-fearing persons. They worshipped one God and acted
according to His teachings. The Prophet Nuh (Noah)(peace be upon him)
lived for about950 years.After this dreadful destruction the people
abstained from committing sins for sometime. Afterwards they began to
be loose in their actions.

Stories of Prophets, - Prophet Musa (Moses) (PBUH)

The Prophet Yusuf (peace be upon him) and his family settled in Egypt.
They were called theIsraelites. Gradually they increased in number and
gained considerable power. These Israelites did not intermingle with
other native people. They remained isolated and were considered as
foreigners in Egypt.
Cruel Act of Pharaoh in respect of Israelites
At that time Egypt was ruled by the kingFir'aun (Pharaoh). He was
arrogant, tyrant and powerful. He thought himself to be god. In their
kingdom the people led miserable lives. They were forced to work as
slaves. They were chained and whipped if they refused to work. The
Israelites were looked down upon in that society. They suffered badly
due todestitution and indigence. Some of them grew weak and died of
starvation.
When Pharaoh noticed that the Israelites were increasing in number, he
was much alarmed. He held discussions with his counselors on this
topic. They decided thatIsraelitesshould besnubbed. They should not be
allowed to become powerful and supreme in the land. They planned to
oppress and persecute them in different ways. Pharaoh ordered that
allmale children bornin the families of the Israelites should be put
todeath. This tyrannical act of Pharaoh against the Israelites has
been described in the following Verses of the Holy Quran:
"Surely Fir'aun exalted himself in the land and divided its people
into parties, oppressing one party from among them by killing their
sons and sparing their women. Surely he was one of the
mischief-makers." ( Surah 28: Verse 3-5)
When the people heard thoseterrible ordersthey were much upset. The
soldiers started complying with the orders of their king. Whenever
they got wind of the male baby born to any family, they would yank him
out of his mother's arms. They did not care for the feelings of the
crying mothers. They used to throw the infantsmercilessly into the
river. It was an awful act ofcrueltybut no one dared to disobey the
orders of Pharaoh because every one was much scared of him. Many
innocent babies were drowned in this way and numerous unfortunate
parents expressed lamentations over the death of their dear ones.
The Prophet Musa (Moses) Enclosed into Chest and Cast into the River
In that era one of the Israelite woman gave birth to a male baby who
was extremely beautiful. The mother thought that the soldiers of
Pharaoh would soon find him out. They would throw him to thefish in
the river. God revealed to her to be patient and not to be frightened.
She was communicated the glad-tidings that her son would become
anApostle. The newly born baby was namedMusa (Moses).He was very
attractive. His mother fed and concealed him for a few months. When
she was unable to hide him any longer, God guided her saying:
"And We revealed to Musa's mother saying: Give him suck. When you fear
for him, cast him into the river and do not fear nor grieve, surely We
will restore him to you and make him one of the apostles." ( Surah 28:
Verse 7)
The same direction is expressed in other Verses:
"Call to mind the occasion when We revealed to your mother: Put him
into the chest and cast it down into the river, then the river shall
throw him on the shore; then shall take him up to one who is an enemy
to Me and enemy to him and I cast down upon you love From Me and that
you may be brought up before My eyes." ( Surah 20: Verses 38-39)
When the Prophet Musa (peace be upon him) had attained the age of a
few months, his mother got made a very tight box. She put a blanket in
the box. She lifted her affectionate son and kissed him again and
again. Sheput him in the boxwith tears in her eyes. Her heart was
beating violently. She pushed the box into the water when it was still
dark. The box moved slowly on the surface of the water. His sister
watched the box at a distance but the mother went back homewailing and
sobbing. She was full of anxiety due to the separation of her beloved
baby.
The Prophet Musa's sister was hiding from place to place along the
shore of the river. She was constantly watching the box and praying
for thesafetyof her brother. The box went on moving and gradually came
near the shore. Some People were washing their clothes at the shore.
By chance they saw the box floating slowly. Theywadedthrough the water
andpicked up the box. They were greatly surprised to see a beautiful
infant enclosed in the box. He had a smiling countenance.
The Prophet Musa Grows up in Pharaoh's House
The people took the box to Pharaoh and his family. All of them were
full ofexcitement. The Prophet Musa's sister followed them but no one
recognized her. Thewife of Pharaohfell in love with the baby. She
decided to make him her own son:
"And Fir'auns wife said: Joy of the eye to me and to you, do not slay
him, may be he will be useful to us or we may take him for a son. But
they knew not what they did.'' ( Surah 28: Verse 10)
The Prophet Musa (peace be upon him) became awfully hungry. He began
to cry out of hunger. The baby was handed over to a woman who was
appointed tonurse him. He did not take her breast and kept on weeping.
Every one was in a fix what to do. The sister of Prophet Musa (peace
be upon him) who was standing near remarked: May I bring a woman whom
the baby requires?
She was directed to go immediately and call her. She rushed towards
her house and informed her mother of the whole situation. She
requested her mother to accompany her to Pharaoh's house. The Prophet
Musa (peace be upon him) was still crying due to hunger. The mother
gave him her breast. He was much pleased anddrank milkto his heart's
content. Pharaoh's wife requested the mother of Prophet Musa (peace be
upon him) to stay with them and nurse him. The Holy Quran states:
"So We restored him to his mother that her eyes might be refreshed and
that she might not grieve and that she might know that the promise of
Allah is true but most of them do not know." ( Surah 28: Verse 13)
The Prophet Musa (peace be upon him) was brought up inPharaoh's house
like a prince.His mother was taking care of him and he was the apple
of her eye. The Prophet Musa (peace be upon him) learnt a great deal
about Pharaoh and hisindecent waysof life. He came to know about his
cruel treatment towards Israelites. Although he led a luxurious life
yet deep inside his heart he had pains.
An Egyptian is Killed by Prophet Musa
One day he saw an Israelite fighting hard with one of the men of the
King. They wereshouting and hittingeach other. The Prophet Musa (peace
be upon him) appeared on the scene. He tried to pacify them. When he
saw that the Egyptian was not going to spare him in spite of several
requests, he lifted up hisstickand hit the man of the King. The man
became dizzy and fell to the ground with a bang. The Prophet Musa
(peace be upon him) and his companions stepped forward to support the
man but he was limp like a rag. Soon after he passed away.
Prophet Musa Repents
The Prophet Musa (peace be upon him)felt sorryfor what had happened.
It was an accidental and not intentional act. One blow of the stick is
quite insufficient to cause the death of a person. His head was
twirling. He called his action as a devil's doing who misled human
beings. He realized his mistake and prayed for Divine protection. The
Holy Quran states:
"He found therein two men fighting, one being of his party and the
other of his foes and he who was of his party cried out to him for
help against him who was of his enemies. Musa struck him with his fist
and dispatched him. He said: This is of the devil's doing; surely he
is an open enemy leading astray. He said: My Lord: Surely l have done
harm to myself, so, You should protect me." ( Surah 28: Verse 15)
Prophet Musa's Migration and Marriage
Soon the news of the murder of a man spread far and wide. The people
flew into a rage. They hatched a plan to kill the Prophet Musa (peace
be upon him). He becamescaredand was directed to migrate to another
place. The Holy Quran states:
"A man came running from the remotest part of the City. He said: 0'
Musa Surely the Chiefs are consulting together to slay you. Therefore,
be gone at once. Surely I counsel you as a friend." ( Surah 28: Verse
19)
The Prophet Musa (peace be upon him) packed up his luggage andleft
Pharaoh's housein the pitch dark when every one was enjoying a sound
sleep. He reached Madian after a long tiresome journey. He sat down to
take rest near a watering place.
The Prophet Musa (peace be upon him) saw two young girls waiting at a
distance. Their sheep were standing near the spring for drinking
water. The Prophet Musa (peace he upon him) thought that the girls
needed some help. Although he was tired and hungry yet he wished
tohelp them. He went up to the girls and asked if they needed help.
The girls were modest and bashful. They said that they were waiting so
that the shepherds might go away.
The Prophet Musa (peace be upon him) drove the sheep to the spring to
drink water. It was a kind act of Prophet Musa (peace be upon him).
The girls expressed a deep sense of gratitude for this favor. They
took their sheep and proceeded towards their house. The Prophet Musa
(peace be upon him) went back to rest. He became depressed andprayed
to Almighty Allahto help him. In the meanwhile two women came to him
and said:
"My father invites you so that he may give you the reward of your
having watered for us." ( Surah 28: Verse 24)
The Prophet Musa (peace be upon him) accompanied them. When be entered
the house, he introduced himself politely; Soon after he dined with
the members of the family. The Prophet Musa (peace be upon him) was
asked to stay with them. The time passed on happily. One day the
master of the house said:
"I desire to marry one of these two daughters of mine to you on the
condition that you should serve me for eight years but if you complete
ten, it will be of your own free will, and I do not wish to be hard on
you. If Allah pleases, you will find me one of good. He said: This
will be an agreement between you and me. whichever of the two terms I
fulfill, there shall be no wrong doing to me and Allah is a witness of
what we say." ( Surah 28: Verses 27-28)
According to the agreement Prophet Musa (peace be upon him)
gotmarriedto one of the girls of that family. He took care of the farm
and the sheep efficiently. The Prophet Musa (peace be upon him) had
been away from his family for many years. He missed his kith and kin.
One day he set out on a journey fromMadian. His family accompanied
him.
The Call of Prophet Musa to Prophethood
The Prophet Musa (peace be upon him) crossed the sandy desert
andreached the mountain,Tur. He perceived a brilliant light from a
distance. The Prophet Musa (peace be upon him) thought that to be fire
land reached near it to warm himself. All of a sudden a voice
was-heard from the right side of the Valley. It uttered:
"Surely. I am your Lord: so put off your shoes because you are in the
sacred Valley which is blessed twice I have chosen you; so hearken to
what shall be revealed: Verily, I am Allah, there is no god but I,
therefore serve-Me-and keep up prayers for My remembrance." ( Surah
10: Verse 22)
The Prophet Musa (peace be upon him) waspuzzled and scared. The thing
which looked like fire was not fire in the real sense of the word but
it was the reflection of the glory of God. It was amoment of great
honorfor the Prophet Musa (peace be upon him).
Some Miracles of Prophet Musa
God commanded Prophet Musa (peace be upon him) tothrow the stickthat
was in his hand on the ground. He threw the stick in compliance with
the orders. To his surprise he saw the stick moving like along
wiggling snakeand it greatly scared him. He thought that it was going
to bite him. God directed the Prophet Musa (peace be upon him)not to
lose courageand pick up the snake. He obeyed and caught hold of the
terrible looking snake. When he touched it, it was restored to its
former shape. The Prophet Musa (peace be upon him) was much amazed to
see those happenings.
Soon afterwards God ordered the Prophet Musa (peace be upon him) to
thrust his hand into hisarmpit. He did so. When he took out his hand,
it wasshining whitewhen he put his hand back into his armpit and
pulled it out it had been changed into its normal position.
Allah, the Almighty made the Prophet Musa (peace be upon him) to
perform thosemiraclesso that he might feel better and become sure of
the existence of Allah and His power. He was going to derive benefits
out of such miracles in future.
The Prophet Musa Settles in Egypt Again
Allah commanded the Prophet Musa (peace be upon him) togo to Egyptto
deliver the Israelites from Pharaoh and reform his depraved people.
The Prophet Musa (peace be upon him) was not good at arguing. He had
an impediment in his tongue to speak freely. He sought permission from
Allah to take his brotherProphet Harunwith him as an aider because he
was an eloquent speaker. The permission was immediately granted.
The Prophet Musa Argues with Pharaoh
The Prophet Musa (peace be upon him) settled with his family in Egypt.
They went to Pharaoh to argue with him. They conveyed him the message
of Allah but he made fun of them. He didnot lose heartand kept on
preaching. The king and his people were not convinced. Finally in
desperation, the Prophet Musa (peace be upon him) said: O' King! Do
you like me to show you that my message is true?
He replied in affirmative with an unbelieving smile on his face. The
Prophet Musa (peace be upon him) threw his stick on the ground and it
changed its shape as a terrible looking snake. The people were
wonder-struck and got scared of it. When the Prophet Musa (peace be
upon him) picked it up, it became a stick again. Every one was much
amazed.
Then the Prophet Musa (peace be upon him) put his hand in his armpit.
When he got it out, his hand was shining brilliantly. The Holy Quran
states:
"Then he threw down his staff and lo! it was an obvious serpent. And
he drew forth his hand and lo! it appeared white to the beholders." (
Surah 26: Verse 32)
The Prophet Musa Contests with Magicians
The Chiefs said that the Prophet Musa (peace be upon him) was
anenchanter. He intended to turn the minds of the people. Pharaoh was
much worried. He feared lest people should begin to follow him. He
fixed a special day forcontest between the Prophet Musa(peace be upon
him)and other magicians. He sent collectors in various parts of the
country to bring enchanters to hold competition and prevail upon the
Prophet Musa (peace be upon him). He promised to reward the winners.
On the appointed day thousands of people gathered there. There was a
great deal of excitement. Every one was eager to see the performances
of the magicians of the king and the miracles of Prophet Musa (peace
be upon him). First of all the royal magicians threw their sticks.
They moved and looked like snakes from a distance. They deceived the
eyes of the people and frightened them. The people were much
surprised. They appreciated the magicians for their astonishing
performances.
Soon after the Prophet Musa (peace be upon him) cast his stick. The
stick became ahungry serpentby theorder of Allah. It wiggled and moved
like a dart. It devoured every moving stick that the magician had
thrown. The spectators were much impressed. Some of the priests
thought that such miracles could be done only by the order of Allah.
Most of the magicians drew backhumiliated and prostratedthemselves
adoring. They said: We believe in the Lord of the Worlds; the Lord of
Prophet Musa and Prophet Harun (peace be upon them).
On seeing this state of affairs Pharaoh was much worried. He became
mad with rage because his men were inclined to follow the Prophet Musa
peace be upon him) and adopt his new religion. He threatened them of
dire consequences. He said:
"I shall certainly cut off your hands and your feet on opposite side,
then I will crucify you altogether. ( Surah 7: Verse 124)
Persecution of Prophet Musa slid his followers
Pharaoh and his men began to persecute the followers of Prophet Musa
(peace be upon him). The Israelites remained patient. They began to
worship and glorify God in their homes. They kept praying to God. They
said:
"O' Our Lord! Make us not subject to persecution of the unjust people,
and deliver us by Your mercy from the unbelieving people." ( Surah 20:
Verse 86)
When the Israelites were under the burden ofhardships and sufferings,
Allah ordered the Prophet Musa (peace be upon him) to leave the area
with his followers. He promised to save them. In compliance with the
Commandment of Allah the Prophet Musa (peace be upon him) directed his
people tomigrate secretlyto another place.
The Prophet Musa Leaves Egypt
When it was dark, a scanty band of the Israelites left Egypt. They
took allprecautionary measuresto escape from the eye-sight of the
guards. They moved as fast as they could with firm conviction that
they would he saved by Allah. Next day the residence of the Israelites
were found desolate and without hustle and bustle.
Pharaoh was informed. He lost his temper and sent heralds to chase the
absconders. He wanted to takerevengeof his disgrace. He ordered his
soldiers to arrest the Israelites and bring them back. When the
followers of Prophet Musa (peace be upon him) were near the sea-shore,
they heard the sound of the hoofs of their horses. They were much
frightened. They thought that they would be overtaken and punished by
the enemies.
The Sea Splits and Pharaoh is Drowned
When the Prophet Musa (peace be upon him) and his followers were being
chased Allah revealed this order to him:
"Strike the sea with the rod; and it clove asunder and each part
become like a large mountain." ( Surah 26: Verse 60)
The water of the seawent up highwith the great uproar. The bottom of
the sea turned intodry land. It was an amazing miracle. The people
could hardly believe their eyes. The Israelites ran desperately and
went far ahead. Pharaoh and his huge army chased them in hostility.
There was a great uproar again. The water from both the sides poured.
Itrushed over Pharaoh and his soldiers. They were completely drowned.
The Holy Quran relates this incident in the following Verses:
"And We made the children of Israel to pass through the sea, then
Fir'aun and his hosts followed them in hostility and for oppression
until when drowning overtook him, he said: I believe that there is no
god but He in Whom the children of Israel believe and I am of those
who submit. What now! said God, and indeed you have been rebellious
and was of the mischief makers. But this day We save you in your body
so that you may be a sign to those after you and most surely most
people are heedless of Our Signs". ( Surah 10: Verses 90-92)
The body of Fir'aun is still present in theEgyptian Museumas
anadmonitory signto those who are transgressors.
When Prophet Musa (peace be upon him) and thousands of his followers
got rid of Pharaoh, they expressed a deep sense ofgratitudeto Allah.
They had witnessed an impressive miracle. Now they were free to live
according to the teachings of Allah.
The Prophet Musa Receives Instructions
Allah commanded Prophet Musa (peace be upon him) to go to a certain
mountain forausterity. He had to stay there forforty days. During this
period Allah, the Almighty gave a lot of religious knowledge to
Prophet Musa (peace be upon him). He gave him the tablets which
contained ten Commandments. One day he (Musa) said:
"My Lord! Show me Thyself so that I may look upon Thee. He said': you
cannot bear to see Me but look at the mountain, if it remains firm in
its place, then you will see Me. When his Lord manifested His glory to
the mountain He made it crumble and Musa fell down in swoon. When he
recovered, he said: Glory be to You: I turn to You and! am the first
of believers". Surah 7: Verse 142)
At the end of the appointed time Prophet Musa (peace be upon him) went
to his people to tell them about therevelationswhich he had received.
Israelites Worship the Calf
The Prophet Musa (peace be upon him) was muchgrievedto know that his
followers had become addicted topraying to the cowinstead of Allah.
Whenever his brotherProphet Harun(peace be upon him) forbade them to
do so, they made fun of him. Sometimes they tortured him.
The Prophet Musa (peace be upon him) tried hard to uproot this form
ofidolatryfrom the hearts of the Israelites. Some men who had gone
astray, repented but most of them insisted on worshipping a cow. The
Prophet Musa (peace be upon him) said to his people:
"Surely, Allah commands you that you should sacrifice a cow." ( Surah
2: Verse 71)
Most of them did so hesitatingly but the others refused. The Prophet
Musa (peace be upon him) kept on conveying the people the new message
of God.
Another Miracle
One season came there was hardly any rain. It overtook the people
withdraughtsanddiminutionof fruit. There was an acute shortage of
water and food. The people began to die ofstarvation. The Prophet Musa
(peace be upon him) prayed to Allah and He provided them with
eatables. Water was not available in the area. They approached Prophet
Musa (peace be upon him) for help. He prayed to Allah for a miracle.
Allah directed the Prophet to hit aspecial high cliffwith his stick.
The Prophet Musa (peace be upon him) touched the cliff saying: By the
name of our Lord, Almighty Allah. At once the water gushed forth.
There were twelve places in that cliff from which sprang out cool
clear water. The people were much amazed at the sight of this
wonderful miracle. The Holy Quran states:
"And when Musa prayed for drink for his people, We said: Smite with
your staff the rock, and there gushed out there from twelve springs so
that each tribe knew their drinking place: Eat and drink of that which
Allah has provided and do not act corruptly making mischief in the
earth." ( Surah 2: Verse 60)
The Israelites were oftwelve brancheseach a descendant of a son of
Prophet Ya'qub (peace be upon him). So each branch came to drink from
one of the springs of water from that cliff. The people drank water to
their hearts content. They do not have to shove and push for the water
because Allah gave themtwelve springs.
Israelites Win Victory and Prosper
After staying in the desert for some time Prophet Musa (peace be upon
him) planned to proceed towards theblessed land, Palestine. TheProphet
Musa(peace be upon him) sent twelve men in advance to go and had a
bird's eye view of the blessed land. They came back after many days.
They told him that there were fertile farms and green trees. There was
plenty of water. It made every one eager to go there. It was also
reported that the owners of the blessed land were strong and brave.
They had invincible armies. It was impossible to capture that land
without fighting.
The Israelites were much terrified because they were weak and armless.
The Prophet Musa (peace be upon him) and a small group of Israelites
wished tofight tooth and nailwhereas most of them did not agree to
fighting. Some of them said to Prophet Musa (peace be upon him): You
go with your God and fight against them. We will stay here and wait.
As the years passed, they increased in number. They gained strength
gradually. They formed a small army of their own and marched with
faith in their hearts towards the rich blessed land. They fought hard
and becamevictoriousin the battle. They became therulers of Palestine.
The inhabitants of that land lived with them in peace and harmony.
Allah showered favors on Israelites and they began to prosper
wonderful.

Stories of Prophets, - Prophet Lut (PBUH)

The Advent of Prophet Lut
The Prophet Lut (peace be upon him) was contemporary of Prophet
Ibrahim(peace be upon him). He was a nephew and follower of the Faith
of his uncle. He was the resident ofUr, an ancient town inMesopotamia.
God conferred prophethood upon him. He was commanded to leave his
native land and go toSodom and Gomorrato warn and reform the people
who were indulged ingrave sinssuch as homosexual intercourse and
robbery. The Holy Quran says:
"And Lut (remember) when he said to his folk: Will you commit
abomination such as no creature ever did before. Lo! you come with
lust unto men instead of women. Nay, but you are wanton folk." ( Surah
7: Verses 80-81)
In another Verse the Holy Quran throws a light on the character of
thosesinning people. It says:
"What? Do you not come to males and commit robbery on the highways and
do evil deeds in your meeting?" ( Surah 29: Verse 29)
The Prophet Lut Preaches and is Opposed
The Prophet Lut (peace be upon him) was an alien to those people. He
began to preach the religion of God energetically. He advised the
people toguard themselvesagainst the punishment from God. He exhorted
them toabandon sinful ways. He told them that God had created woman
for them to satisfy their lust. They did not listen to the admonitions
of their Prophet. They ridiculed and threatened him of dire
consequences. They retorted that he would be expelled from that town
in case he did not stop preaching and rebuking them. The Holy Quran
affirms:
"And the answer of his people was only that they said (to one
another): Turn them out of your township. They are folk who seek to
keep pure." ( Surah 7: Verse 82)
The same idea is expressed in the following Verses:
"They said: If you desist not, O' Lut, you will soon be of the
outcast. He said: I am, in fact, of those who hate your conduct. My
Lord! save me and my household from what they do." ( Surah 26: Verses
167-169)
Gradually time passed by and the Prophet Lut (peace be upon him) did
not achieve remarkable success on reforming those sinful persons. They
were shamelessly addicted to grave sins and his warnings simply
exasperated them.
Angels Appear as Guests
One day,three angelsin thedisguise of handsome young boyscame to
Prophet Lut (peace be upon him) and they conveyed to him a special
message fromAlmighty Allah.
The Prophet Lut (peace be upon him) and his followers weredirected to
leave the townbecause something very dreadful was going to happen.
When the people got wind of the visit of charming boys they tried to
invade the house of Prophet Lut (peace be upon him) and demanded of
him to deliver the guests to them. The Prophet was much upset and he
said:
"O' my people! Here are my daughters! They are purer for you! Beware
of Allah and degrade me not in (the presence of) my guests. Is there
not among you any upright man ?" ( Surah 11: Verse 78)
They rejected this appeal of the Prophet and said:
"Well, you know that we have no right to your daughters and well, you
know what we want." ( Surah 11: Verse 79)
The Prophet was much disappointed and said:
"Would that I had strength to resist you or had some strong support."
( Surah 11: Verse 80)
The Angels Convey Message
The Prophet Lut (peace be upon him) warned the people of theinevitable
punishmentin case they insisted on committing indecency. They laughed
and doubted his character. When all efforts were ended in smoke, the
angels who were in the form of human beings, said:
"O' Lut, Lo! We are messengers of thy Lord; they shall not reach thee.
So travel with thy people in a part of the night and not one of you
turn round all save thy wife." ( Surah 11: Verse 81)
The Prophet Lut is Delivered and his Nation Destroyed
The Prophet Lut (peace be upon him) and his adherentsleft the cityin
the fagging part of the night and took shelter in a place of safety.
Soon after an uproar took place. A suddentremendous noiseshock the
earth. It was ascary and dreadful earthquake. The houses crumbled down
and lofty buildings smashed to nothing but rubble. The rocks that went
up in the air hit those who tried to escape. All arrogant sinners
werecompletely destroyed.
The Prophet Lut (peace be upon him) and his followers were saved but
his wife could not survive because she sympathized with the sinners.
The Holy Quran gives a brief description of this mishap in the
following Verses:
"Then the (awful) cry overtook them at the sunrise: And We utterly
confounded them, and We rained upon them stones of heated clay. Lo!
therein verily are portents for those who read the signs." ( Surah
15: Verses 73-75)
The Prophet Lut (peace be upon him) wasadmitted to God's mercyand was
declared to be one of therighteous. He died inPalestineand was buried
atBani Na'ima near Hebron.

Women site, - The Virtue of Nurturing Girls - I

This article in its two parts, Allaah willing, will be about a
righteous good deed, and whoever performs it perfectly, according to
its required conditions, will attain three things:
First: he will be veiled from Hell and never enter it.
Second: on the Day of the Greatest Terror, )i.e. the Day of Judgment(,
he will be gathered in the company of the Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi
wa sallam.
Third: Paradise will be guaranteed for him, where he will be in the
company of the Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam.
What an excellent and great reward this is! This great reward, O
believers, requires that certain conditions be fulfilled perfectly.
What is this deed and what are its conditions?
I say, seeking the help of Allaah The Exalted, that it is to take care
of girls, being in charge of them and looking after their affairs and
interests. That is the position of our religion with the woman whom it
honors, maintains, and guards; it encourages men to enter Paradise and
receive great rewards should they take care of her and guard her.
How great the favors of Allaah The Almighty are on the daughters of
Eve and how sad that some people show ingratitude and deny them!
The Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, said in an authentic
Hadeeth on the authority of the Mother of the Believers 'Aa'ishah, may
Allaah be pleased with her:"Whichever )people( are tried by any of
them )girls(, and he treats them kindly, they will screen him from the
fire )of Hell(."]Al-Bukhaari and Muslim[
He further said:"Whoever has three girls and is patient with them and
clothes them from what he has, they will veil him from the fire )of
Hell(."
That is the first reward that you, O slave of Allaah, would receive
for that work, which is to be screened and veiled from the fire of
Hell, and whoever is drawn away from the fire and admitted to Paradise
has indeed attained his desire.
May Allaah make us all among those who attain that reward!
Concerning the second reward, which is to be gathered in the company
of the Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, it was narrated on the
authority of Anas, may Allaah be pleased with him, that he said, "The
Messenger of Allaah, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, said:'Whoever
looks after two girls until they attain the age of maturity, would
come on the Day of Judgment with me and him being )as close to each
other( as these )and he joined his fingers(.'"]Muslim[
As for the third reward, then consider the following texts:
It was narrated on the authority of Jaabir, may Allaah be pleased with
him, that the Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, said:"'Whoever
has three daughters whom he gives refuge to, provides for and shows
mercy to, Paradise is certainly guaranteed for him."A man asked, "And
)for( two, O Messenger of Allaah?" He replied:"And also )for the one
who has( two )daughters(."]Ahmad[ ]Al-Bukhaari in Al-Adab Al-Mufrad[
It was narrated on the authority of Abu Sa'eed, may Allaah be pleased
with him, that the Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, said:"No
one has three or two daughters or sisters, and he fears Allaah
regarding them and is kind to them, except that he will enter
Paradise."
It was narrated on the authority of Anas, may Allaah be pleased with
him, that he said, "The Messenger of Allaah, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa
sallam, said:'Whoever has two daughters or sisters to whom he is kind
as long as they are with him, he and I will be in Paradise )as close
to each other( as these )and then he put two of his fingers
together(.'"
What a great reward this is! And, what an excellent position this is!
However, such great rewards have heavy qualifications and various
objectives that must be realized by great striving and patience.
What are these conditions and restrictions?
All the conditions are included in his )the Prophet's, sallallaahu
'alayhi wa sallam,( saying:"And he is kind to them."
To be kind to girls in such a way as to befit the Sharee'ah is the
all-inclusive condition and the greatest qualification. The narrations
previously mentioned came to explicate and clarify in detail this
general reference. The Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam,
said:"…Whom he gives refuge to, provides for and shows mercy to."
Al-Haafith, may Allaah have mercy upon him, said, "All these terms are
included under the term "Ihsaan" )to be kind(."
What is the meaning of giving refuge to them? What is intended by
providing for them? And, how should we show mercy to them?
Giving refuge has three facets:
First: Giving her refuge with a good righteous mother, to be an
example for her to follow. The first stage of giving refuge to girls
is to keep them with a righteous pious chaste mother to maintain and
guard them. Have you not heard the advice of the Prophet, sallallaahu
'alayhi wa sallam:"Then, succeed )by choosing( the religious woman
lest you would lose )good("?
Second: Giving her refuge in her boudoir, inside her house, which is
to teach her to abide in her house and not to come out unless there is
a necessity, an urgent need or an act of worship. In other words:"To
attend the goodness and supplications of Muslims."
That is the significance of the statement of Allaah The Almighty
)which means(:}And abide in your houses.{]Quran 33:33[
Allaah The Almighty commands women to abide in their houses, for it is
more suitable to screen them and guard their lives.
)To be continued(

Women site, - The Virtue of Nurturing Girls - II

Consider, may Allaah have mercy upon you, how Allaah The Almighty
mentions houses in relation to women in three occasions in His Book,
despite the fact that these houses )in most cases( belong to their
guardians. Allaah The Almighty Says )what means(:
•}And remember what is recited in your houses of the verses of Allaah
and wisdom.{]Quran 33:34[
•}And abide in your houses.{]Quran 33:33[
•}Do not turn them out of their ]husbands'[ houses.{]Quran 65:1[
So, be eager to bring up your daughters to abide in the home, and
adhere to firmness for it is more beneficial for their religion and
more likely to bring you honor in this world and the Hereafter.
Third: Giving her shelter in a house full of Thikr )mentioning and
remembering Allaah(, worship and righteous deeds. It is true that some
women do not come out of their houses, but their houses, at the same
time, are inhabited by the human devils and the jinn, where women do
not veil themselves from the men who are not their Mahrams
)unmarriageable relatives(, and their sons and those of the paternal
and maternal uncles and aunts go and come and enter everywhere they
like with neither a cover nor a veil.
The same is true of the driver and the servant, as if they have foster
relations with them, for they enter upon the women of the house with
no veil. Such a house is not fit to be a refuge, for it is a house in
which honor is violated.
Also, some women do not come out of their houses, but their houses are
filled with corruption-causing devices and channels of singing and
adultery. The girl there thus learns, listens to and sees what is
unlawful, is tempted away from her religion and strays and gets
corrupted more than if she goes to markets.
Is this a refuge, O slaves of Allaah?
The real refuge lies in a screening shelter that guards and maintains
your honor:"Whoever has three daughters whom he gives refuge, provides
for and shows mercy to, Paradise is inevitably guaranteed for him."
That was the refuge; now what is intended by providing for them?
This is explained in the narration of Muslim:"Whoever looks after two
girls until they attain the age of maturity."An-Nawawi, may Allaah
have mercy upon him, said, "It means to raise them and provide them
with sustenance." It is further explained in his )the Prophet's
saying:"And dresses them from what he has."
Yes, O slaves of Allaah! To provide the woman with what she
necessarily needs of food, clothing and sustenance is among the
obligatory duties and one of the greatest acts that bring men closer
to Allaah.
Men should provide women with these things so that they would not need
to come out of the house to work and earn their living. They should
provide them with these necessities so that they would not think about
committing a sin or deviation.
The Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, said:"To provide for
them,"and did not say to make them transgress by giving them what is
beyond their needs as many fathers, may Allaah guide them, do with
their daughters. They give their daughters all that they ask for, and
whenever one's daughter has a desire for a certain thing, they hasten
to buy it for her to fulfill her desire, and whenever they request
anything, they hurry with full power in response to her command.
This kind of indulgence destroys the girl and would shorten her
marital life. Once such a girl moves to the house of her husband and
is no longer pampered, she rebels against her husband because she
misses what she was brought up on.
On the other extreme are other men who fall short of fulfilling the
necessities of their women, shouting at them things like, "Why do you
not come out and work like so-and-so who obtains her needs and what is
sufficient for her?" Allaah The Almighty Says )what means(:}And ]they
are[ those who, when they spend, do so not excessively or sparingly
but are ever, between that, ]justly[ moderate.{]Quran 25:67[
The third qualification and condition included under being kind )to
girls( lie in his statement:"And shows mercy to them."What is the real
nature of mercy? What is intended by it?
The first thing that occurs to the mind is its apparent and general
meaning; to show mercy to them is to sympathize and show pity for
them, not to beat them, and everything else included in the meaning of
mercy, which are, no doubt, true. However, the real mercy one should
show girls lies in two things:
First: to show mercy to them by earnestly seeking and seriously
working to keep them away from the Wretched Settlement that is the
Fire. That is to bring them up on the rituals of Islam, the
establishment of prayers, adherence to Hijaab and the maintenance of
their chastity:}O you who have believed, protect yourselves and your
families from a Fire whose fuel is people and stones.{]Quran 66:6[
The man who shows sympathy towards his daughters, pampers them and is
spiritually and materially kind to them, and, at the same time does
not command them to perform prayers, to observe fast or to adhere to
Hijaab, is in fact a tyrant and plain enemy of them, for he is not
sincere in advising them, and he does not help them and keep them away
from the Fire of Hell.
That is the real mercy, O company of believers. The Prophet,
sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, said:"My parable in relation to that of
my Ummah )nation( is like a man who kindled a fire and when it lit all
around him, moths and insects started falling into the fire. I am
there to catch hold of you )in order to save you( from the fire. But
you plunge into it and overpower my efforts."
This is only one of many forms with which Allaah The Almighty honored
the woman and raised her esteem. Which honor and high esteem are
better than exhorting men to enter Paradise and be gathered in the
company of the Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, and kept away
from the Fire of Hell, if they are kind to the girls in their care,
look after their affairs and take care of them perfectly?
So, fear Allaah, O slave-girl of Allaah, and be proud of that honor,
and remember that the final statement of the Prophet, sallallaahu
'alayhi wa sallam, before he left this world was:"And I advise you to
be kind and good to women."
Thus, he commanded and advised us to be good and kind to you, O woman.
So, be a good helper to your guardians to achieve that great task, and
bear in mind that your honor and glory lie in your adherence to your
religion. And, O men, be good and kind to your girls – your daughters
and sisters, and be aware of the fact that this great reward you have
been told about is qualified by these heavy qualifications, which are
easy for the person on whom Allaah The Almighty makes it easy, and
within the capacity of him who strives his utmost and is eager to do
them.
And Allaah is the guardian of success.